Friday, May 09, 2008

The Last Time

A few weeks ago, I ran into them. I haven't posted about it because I'm having a hard time processing it. Squeak and I were headed to the local playground and when we got there, I saw Niblet's aunt and uncle at a picnic table. I almost fainted, the physical impact of seeing them was that strong. I immediately scanned for Niblet and there she was. Her cousin was blowing bubbles for her and she was watching them and batting at them. The aunt and uncle saw me and I said hi. Her aunt said "Niblet, look who's here. Go say hi."

And Niblet turned around and saw me and ran over. She said "hi!" and I scooped her up and she gave me a big hug. The Certified Niblet Hug. With her legs wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my head. She's still so light, she barely felt heavier than Squeak. I didn't want to put her down. She didn't want to get down. But I could feel her aunt watching us and I felt it was better to put her down. I whispered in her ear that I love her and was so very glad to see her.

I put her down and asked her if she was having fun at the playground. Then I asked her aunt how they were doing, how the move went, etc. She gave friendly, but short, answers. I said that we'd tried to call them, but their phone wasn't working. She said it still hasn't been turned on and it's been a while. I asked if they had our number, she said they'd lost it, but I didn't have any paper (I actually did, but I forgot!) and they didn't make any move to put it in their cell (which was sitting on the table) or otherwise seem to care about it. It was possibly the most uncomfortable conversation I've ever had. I didn't even ask how Niblet's therapies were going or how the case was going or anything. I did compliment Niblet on her hair, and asked her aunt if she'd done it, which she had. I asked Niblet if she sat still while she got her hair done and her aunt said "say 'yes', Niblet." and Niblet said yes.

Oh, and Squeak was there, too. Niblet was very happy to see him and patted him on the head, just like she's done every time since she first met him. Her aunt was happy to see him and how big he's gotten.

I called fostermama to see if she could make it to the playground to see Niblet, but she was stuck at work. I took Squeak on the jungle gym and played around, but all the while my stomach was in my throat and I was jittery.

They started packing up to leave, so I went over to say goodbye. As they walked to their car, Niblet kept looking back. I waved each time she did, and she liked that, so she kept doing it. It felt so surreal, like a movie scene. I felt, in my heart, that it was the last time I was ever going to see her.

5 comments:

Julie said...

I check here weekly at least to see if there is any niblet news- I am happy and sad at this post- breaks my heart that they don't seem to want any contact - it would probably be good for her. Hang in there and enjoy squeak.

Yondalla said...

So heartbreaking.

Jennifer said...

so.sad. I have been reading your blog for a bit but don't think I have commented before. Just want you to know I am thinking of you all and having only good thoughts for Niblet.

Lo said...

Oh, honey. I wish I had something to say besides, I'm sorry.

Mama Bess said...

Typing through tears...so sad for you and Niblet. I won't say I can imagine how you feel, cuz I can't and don't want to imagine this happening with Baby Grrl and I, and now I just want to go wake her up and kiss her and hold her tight. I've been reading your blog for a little bit now, and reading about Niblet is like passing a car wreck on the highway for me-- I do not want to slow down and look but I cannot seem to help it and I am curious to see how badly the cars were damaged. I noticed you haven't posted for a while and I just hope you're okay. Sending you strength and support from the high plains of Colorado.