Friday, May 09, 2008

"How long? How long must we sing this song?"

I can't imagine why I have this U2 song stuck in my head...

Niblet's birthday is coming up. She is going to be 3 years old and she still doesn't have a permanent home. Never has. It makes me so angry and so very sad. The county had a choice. They could have kept her where she was, with us, where she had been for as long as she could remember and where she was safe and loved. Instead, chose limbo. To send her to her very old father who maybe-kinda-sorta-might be able to handle an energetic 18 month old and, ya know, see how that goes. Well, it didn't go very well. And now she's with a family who loves her and cares for her and keeps her safe...and they're still allowing the father to "work his plan" and try and get her back. As far as we know.

I thought I might run into Niblet's father today, because I do occasionally. fostermama and Squeak and I went to the store this morning and got her a birthday card, slipped our phone number in it, and a picture for her family from her 1st birthday. I was hoping to give it to him and ask him to pass it along to her. No guarantee that he'd do it, but if he did, then at least they'd have our phone number. Not that I really think they'd use it, but whatever. I want them to know how much we miss her, but it's impossible to convey. Why should they care, even if they did understand? As far as I know, they could be in the process of losing her back to her father. We're not their family or their friends. All we are is a reminder that the system sucks and that they could lose her. Would I want to be in contact with us if I were them? I don't know. I'd do it for Niblet's sake, but as far as we know, the caseworkers have actively told them not to talk to us.

As I read Baggage's description of the Federal laws and how her county follows them pretty well, I became overwhelmed with sadness for the thousands of kids who live in counties, like ours, that don't give a crap. If Niblet had simply been born in a different county, she would very likely have a permanent family and not be in need of multiple therapies each week. It makes me afraid to continue living in this city that, otherwise, I love. It boggles my mind.

I hope we can find a way to keep up on Niblet's case. We made a promise to do something if her father manages to get her back, and I need to be able to make good on that promise.

This Mother's Day, send a little mothering energy Niblet's way. She needs a permanent, safe, loving mother to raise her into the wonderful, vivacious woman I know she will be. In exchange, I'll send you a little bit of that Niblet Hug I'm keeping in my heart.


Fostermama said...

I can feel your pain coming through in your posts. We've been there too. We had a child ripped away from us after 2 years and it was devestating. The worst part was that she came back into foster care 6 months later and they placed her in another home instead of sending her back to us. Sometimes I really do hate the system!

Amanda said...

It's heartbreaking and I'm sorry for all of you.

I'm jealous of the good counties too.

hugs to you and Niblet.

Overwhelmed! said...

I'm so sorry things have turned out this way for Niblet and for you. It makes you wonder WHY?!

Our 15 month old foster daughter has been in care for nearly a year now. From the sounds of it, she may well be in care for another year (or more) and it breaks my heart because we'd love to adopt her now and give her a permanent, loving home. I fear she has much heart ache coming her way as a result of the judge's indecisiveness and there's nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is pray that we can at least remain her foster parents for as long as it takes until a decision is made either way.

Sometimes this system makes no sense at all!

Kellie said...

Keeping Niblet, and your family, in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I was surfing the web and I found this interesting documentary called Foster Parents Speak.

I thought it might be interesting to you guys too.

Here's the website

you can watch clips in the "portfolio" section