Tuesday, June 08, 2010

I forgot the golden rule...

The Golden Rule of foster care is: Never Assume.

We haven't seen Niblet in over 2 years. Last we heard, she was living with family members who we had met and liked. The assumption was that they would end up adopting her and that would be that.

I ran into Niblet's birthfather today as I was on my way home from work. I was very friendly, he was very friendly, like two old friends. When, really, I'd like to rip his head off just for the things I *know* about that he's done or allowed to be done to Niblet.

I asked if she is in pre-K or K, and he said pre-K (she turned 5 last month). I asked where she was, meaning which school (yes, I was fishing, but whatever), and he thought I meant where was she living and he said "With Mary on Main St." (names and locations changed to protect...someone...). Main St is the street we live off of. It's not very long. Which means that Niblet, my baby girl, is living right near me and probably at the public school we walk past all the time.

I don't even know what to do with this information. Except that now I desperately want to find this "Mary". And I'm trying very, very hard not to think about why she isn't living with her family and why she's in foster care again.

The father said he was scheduled to see Niblet next week and would tell her he ran into me. I wonder if he will, and I am really, really curious if she remembers me/us. I don't even know what I would do if I saw her again.


Crayon said...

I remember little Niblet!

I'm sorry. I'd be very upset too about that news too. :(

GrowingUpLost said...

I found your blog through PFlagFosterMom and just wanted to pop in and say hello :)....

I write over at http://growinguplost.wordpress.com

I blog about life in foster care back in the 1990s (as a foster child), and how foster care affected me as a teenager, and made me who I am today.

I'd love to have you stop by sometime!

Anonymous said...

Queenie was my Niblet. She left due to the idiocy of a judge who believes that the foster kids of her county can only do well inside of the county lines. I have the audacity to live elsewhere.


About a year after she left me, she came back into care. I was notified and very happy to have her home. But the judge, in her idiocy, invoked her privelege to keep her in the county.

Quite by accident, I found out who had her and her sibs. I learned her name, her address, where to find her. And then I did nothing with the information. Why? Because it was clear that my baby wasn't coming home and she deserved the chance to be happy in her new placement.

Which lasted less than a month. And if the judge had allowed her to stay, Queenie would have been saved 5 moves in a year. Yeah, 5.

We never know what is around that corner when we love someone else's kids. Here's hoping for a happy resolution to your knowing and longing!

StarfishMom said...

Go look for her!!! Are you still an open home?

Overwhelmed! said...

Oh my goodness, that would break my heart to learn such news about Baby Bug (a former foster daughter who is still dear in my heart)!

Did you learn anything further?

TikunOlam said...

Love your header and glad I just discovered your blog. I linked my blog to yours and will add it to my blogroll.

TikunOlam of fosterparentingadventures.blogspot.com

starevelina said...

I feel a wrench every time I read things like this about Niblet, and I just think of our Sweets. Just a few weeks ago, we were hearing that our baby girl still cries for us and wishes to come home, even after three years. I get to feel more confident about how well cared for she is, though. I'm hoping for Niblet's stability and happiness, and I hope you can find out some more.

P.S. my word verification is "heal is in". Healing all around!

Amanda said...

How the hell did I miss this? Holy crap. I'm so sorry you found this out. I think I would look for her and it would make me crazy and be a bad decision. Good luck!

Campbell said...

You're right that you can never assume anything in foster care. It's a crazy system that usually doesn't make ANY sense at all. I hope you get to see her again. I'm sure she remembers you!

One thing I know from growing up in foster care is that it never hurts for a child to know that someone loves them.

Bryna said...

Check this out - They provide us with resource family advocates. Ours was super supportive and helpful. They also just gave us $75 towards the cost of a dance class for Big Guy... but then DYFS refused to change the day of his visit with mom to accommodate his dance class so we're gonna have to spend it on something else for him. They really do good work. They also hold support group meetings and trainings in every county.


Anonymous said...

Is there any group fighting for quicker termination of rights to get niblet and queenie and all the rest without a voice out of the system and into permanent adoptive homes?

Anonymous said...

I would love to join/start/support a group that would fight for quicker termination and rights of a child. Our precious son was taken from our home after 7 months not to be placed with bio mom because she was not in the picture but to be placed with a non blood relative that was single in their 69s and living on welfare and didn't even know the baby existed until the baby was alread placed with us the then took that 7 months to doddle and get paper work in and approved. How is that best for baby? to remove him from a mom and dad and siblings, the only ones he knew from birth to then be placed in a situation where he has no hope a situation where statistics say he will be lucky survive childhood where most likly he will be taking care of the person he lives with and statistics say he only has a 3% chance of graduating highschool let alone go to college.
the system is so screwed up and kids are suffering for it. it is so wrong.
ok off my soap box. thanks for listening.