I'll be a killjoy...

As awesome and relieving as it is to be cleared, it feels somewhat hollow as well.

We still can not do foster care again, because we'd risk the same thing happening. I'm really sad about that!

And we know this is happening to lots of other foster parents in our area and around the country. Our placement worker (the one useful person at the county) said it's happening a lot right now. Craziness! As I said to her, this is one sure way to get rid of all good foster parents.

Someone posted on a listserv I'm on about how Alameda, CA has this approach to foster care that really prioritizes the kids' rights (silly things like permanency and safety), and I am so jealous! I wish I felt I had some power to create change here.

Plus, the huge (for us) amount of money we spent on this is a real sore spot. We really need that money, especially with all Squeak's medical issues.

The caseworker who screwed us is spending her days harrassing other bio parents and foster parents around the county, with her inept supervisor smiling and nodding and being clueless. I'm sure there are no repercussions for her for how she handled this. Nor any training on how to do it better in the future.

It's just SO upsetting.

I started out doing foster care after MAPP class feeling really good about the system here and thinking it worked as well as it could given the crazy situations it handles. Oy, was I wearing some rose colored glasses! If the caseworkers and their supervisors were to actually **receive MAPP training**, maybe things would be better. But they don't. They have no idea how it's even *supposed* to work, much less how to get it there.

UGH.

I wish I could be a foster parent. I wish I could recommend it to my friends and acquaintances who show interest. I wish my life hadn't had this cloud hanging over it for *half a year*, and I wish I hadn't spent money I don't have on getting cleared.

I really appreciate everyone's enthusiasm about us getting cleared. It's nice knowing we've got cheerleaders. :) I just can't quite get behind the "hooray"s. :(

Unfounded!!!

We came home tonight to find 2 very thin envelopes from the state office of children & family services. I ripped one open immediately and scanned it to find the words "As a result of this review it is our decision to legally seal the report. Therefore, in accordance with the law, the report has been amended to show it is unfounded..."

WOOHOO!!!

We are NOT child abusers, and now the records show that!
It is such a f'ing relief. I don't honestly know how much of my psyche has been muddled up with this over the past 6-7 months. I suspect I will, eventually, feel so much more relaxed.

So much of our future plans rided on whether we were cleared or not, and now we are free to do whatever we want.

I can't believe that we had to go through this, but at least it's over and it won't rear it's ugly head ever again.