Wednesday, September 27, 2006

In a parallel universe...

We decided this summer that we're not going to count on foster care to build our family. Adopting through foster care, though our blog title, is just not possible in our county right now. We do know of some people who have recently adopted or have kids who are going to be TPRed, but that's few and far between. Kids are going home.

What we've decided to do is go through domestic private adoption. We will continue fostering, after a break of undetermined length, but we will get our first forever baby through private adoption.

We've picked an agency and started our homestudy last week. We're working on all the paperwork and are hoping to get our fingerprints tomorrow and get everything rolling asap. We'll be going to meet with the agency in October (it's out of town).

It's very weird to be talking about adopting and our future baby while we still have Niblet. She'll be playing on the floor and we'll be sitting there discussing what kinds of babies/situations we're willing to accept, etc., and it's just SO WEIRD. Niblet really was meant to be our child. Sometimes what's meant to be just doesn't happen. I can accept that, but it's still really hard.

To top it off, the social worker who is doing our home study (a friend of ours) told us the other day that she was talking with the head of the agency and that she said they have a birthmother in mind that they'd like to match us with, so they're hoping we get our stuff in soon. Or something like that.
I can't even wrap my head around that. Realistically, if it's true, if the baby is due anytime in the next few months, we would have to pass on it.
We need time to recouperate. To clean the house (we never fully unpacked, as we moved in 1 month before we got Niblet). To have time to ourselves, time together, before we commit to being parents 24/7 for the rest of our lives. 4 months is the minimum, I think, but a little more would be good too.
Of course, we don't want to wait too long, but the agency said that, given that we want a situation where we wouldn't have to pay very much for the birth mother's expenses, we'd probably have to wait 9 months for a match. If we were willing to pay anything, it'd be much sooner. This is mainly because we're open to any race and gender. Most of their clients want white girls. Whatever.

Anyway, it does feel good to be on this path. Having Niblet leave will be the worst thing in the world. Welcoming my first permanent child will be the best. Being on both paths at once somehow feels right.


Gawdessness said...

I am sorry.
Such a tough time.
It sounds like what you said though.
If it feels right...

R said...

hi! Im only asking because we tried to do the same thing(foster and either private domestic adoption or IA from haiti) anyway we were told we absolutley could not do both at the same time--we could not hold our foster license and be registered with any other agency at the same time. As it turns out we did recieve an adoptive placement from the county right away(but shes 3, not a baby like yall want) Im curious if your with the county or a FFA? What has your LW told you?
typing with a wiggly newborn on my lap so sorry if wording is choppy or blunt....ttys

Julie said...

I am sad for you but understand- it is so hard especially if your county doesn't have that many who get tpr'd. Hang in there! Enjoy Sweet Niblet while you have her.

fostermama said...

Our county's head placement worker doesn't like it when people are signed up with private agencies, and when she doesn't like something she makes herself known. But we know at least 3 other couples or singles who are fostering and waiting for a placement from a private agency. So it's not a blanket "no" policy. We haven't told her yet, and won't unless/until it becomes relevant. Like when we have a baby of our own, we probably won't want to foster for a while until we've gotten settled in.

cluttergirl said...

I am here via gawdessness. Wow, what a hard path to walk. You sound so different in the last post from the Aug 30th one. It sounds so hard, but it sounds like you have everything under control, from continued visits with niblet to signing up for domestic adoption to taking a couple/personal time breather. You sound wise beyond words. I am so sorry that niblet is not your forever child. I hope your forever child comes soon, when you are ready. And that you continue to be in niblet's life... what a difference you have already made.