The relinquishment period for Squeak's mom to change her mind passed without a peep from our agency. This means, except for the legal finalization, he's OUR SON!!!
YAY!!!!
And! and! and! We spoke with a lawyer who told us that it's totally up to the adoption agency to decide whether we can adopt in light of our Child Abuser status. Which was totally good news because our agency is run by people who have brain cells.
Which was proven when we called, told them the whole horrid story and they said "wow, what a horrible thing to happen to you. Of course you can still adopt him. No problemo." Or something to that effect.
Can we all take a big breath together? Now let it out.
Everything's okay. We'll win at the appeal, anyway, so our records will be clean, but even if we lose, it doesn't matter at all in our adoption of Squeak.
He's our son. We're his moms. Forever.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
We're big ol' child abusers - beware!!
Mommynay wants an update, so here we go.
We visited family this weekend and Squeak was a hit all around. He's started making more cute cooing noises and has a sense of humor, so he smiles when you do something he considers amusing. He's growing like nobody's business and has apparently gained more than 1 pound per week that we've had him! Go mom-milk!
On the drive home, I checked the voice mail on the cell phone and picked up a message from Joy's Evil Case Worker (who is also the CW handling the CPS case against us). She just called to let us know that they made their determination on the "Joy matter" and that it is "indicated against Fostermommy & fostermama".
That is to say, they decided we did something wrong.
We don't have all the info yet, so we don't know how we go about appealing it and getting it expunged (which is what our placement coordinator already told us is the next step), but we have calls in to all and sundry so we can get this taken care of, like, yesterday.
It's just so ridiculous. I want to laugh, but we're worried. We're worried about what would happen if the Evil CW finds out we have Squeak. We're worried about what happens if this isn't expunged and it's on our record forever. If it's not expunged, it will show up when we file in the court to adopt Squeak, and who knows if we'd be allowed to actually adopt him!? It's craziness.
What I really want to do is drop a dime on Evil Case Worker for the emotional abuse she has perpetrated, and continues to perpetrate, against Joy. Unfortunately, things don't work like that. She's just "doing her job". We're the ones who are supposed to be perfect.
We visited family this weekend and Squeak was a hit all around. He's started making more cute cooing noises and has a sense of humor, so he smiles when you do something he considers amusing. He's growing like nobody's business and has apparently gained more than 1 pound per week that we've had him! Go mom-milk!
On the drive home, I checked the voice mail on the cell phone and picked up a message from Joy's Evil Case Worker (who is also the CW handling the CPS case against us). She just called to let us know that they made their determination on the "Joy matter" and that it is "indicated against Fostermommy & fostermama".
That is to say, they decided we did something wrong.
We don't have all the info yet, so we don't know how we go about appealing it and getting it expunged (which is what our placement coordinator already told us is the next step), but we have calls in to all and sundry so we can get this taken care of, like, yesterday.
It's just so ridiculous. I want to laugh, but we're worried. We're worried about what would happen if the Evil CW finds out we have Squeak. We're worried about what happens if this isn't expunged and it's on our record forever. If it's not expunged, it will show up when we file in the court to adopt Squeak, and who knows if we'd be allowed to actually adopt him!? It's craziness.
What I really want to do is drop a dime on Evil Case Worker for the emotional abuse she has perpetrated, and continues to perpetrate, against Joy. Unfortunately, things don't work like that. She's just "doing her job". We're the ones who are supposed to be perfect.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Things are Good
Not much to say 'round here. The little one ("Squeak", I'll call him) is great. He eats (nurses like a champ! Go adoptive breastfeeding!!), he sleeps (in the sling on my chest right now), he poops & pees like mad in his stylish cloth diapers, and he's just generally CUUUTE.
Does he sleep "good"? Well, for a 7-week-old, he does pretty well. Better than Niblet did for most of the time we had her, that's for sure. He gets a mite gassy at times, but he's a trooper. And did I mention cute? Yep, he's a cutie.
He's filling out a bunch, too. He's finding his hands a little bit. He loves it when we sign to him, and he smiles almost everytime I play this little nose-beeping game. It's super-adorable.
We're enjoying having a "normal" baby. It doesn't take 2 hours to get him to fall asleep. He eats a healthy amount at every feeding. He's 2 pounds lighter, at 7 weeks, than Niblet was at 6 months! And he's not a porker, for sure.
We haven't seen Niblet yet. She was out of town with her mom the first weekend we had Squeak and this weekend she and we are all sick, so no visit. We're on for next weekend, though. I know she's going to have grown a ton by the time we see her - and next to Squeak, she'll be HUGE. :)
On the DSS inquiry front, I called the woman heading the investigation about Joy and she said they will likely make their determination by the end of this week. That will be a huge relief. Even if if comes out against us, then we just go to the judge and argue it and we'll win. So there. It might even all be over and done with by the time we find out if Squeak is ours for keeps or not. That will be excellent.
Does he sleep "good"? Well, for a 7-week-old, he does pretty well. Better than Niblet did for most of the time we had her, that's for sure. He gets a mite gassy at times, but he's a trooper. And did I mention cute? Yep, he's a cutie.
He's filling out a bunch, too. He's finding his hands a little bit. He loves it when we sign to him, and he smiles almost everytime I play this little nose-beeping game. It's super-adorable.
We're enjoying having a "normal" baby. It doesn't take 2 hours to get him to fall asleep. He eats a healthy amount at every feeding. He's 2 pounds lighter, at 7 weeks, than Niblet was at 6 months! And he's not a porker, for sure.
We haven't seen Niblet yet. She was out of town with her mom the first weekend we had Squeak and this weekend she and we are all sick, so no visit. We're on for next weekend, though. I know she's going to have grown a ton by the time we see her - and next to Squeak, she'll be HUGE. :)
On the DSS inquiry front, I called the woman heading the investigation about Joy and she said they will likely make their determination by the end of this week. That will be a huge relief. Even if if comes out against us, then we just go to the judge and argue it and we'll win. So there. It might even all be over and done with by the time we find out if Squeak is ours for keeps or not. That will be excellent.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
We're home!
After transit delays galore, we finally got into The Big City on Thursday evening and made our way to the agency's office where the director was sitting in a rocking chair with Our Son.
(Okay, so he's not Totally Our Son, just Probably Our Son...28 days to go!)
I'll tell you right off that he's the most beautiful baby in the world. I apologize to all your children or future children, cuz he must have been a real pig at the Cute Buffet.
I sound like a mommy, don't I? :)
We stayed with family Thursday night and came back yesterday afternoon.
We got to bring him to services last night and introduce him to our Rabbi. She always knows the right thing to say and, being familiar with foster care and adoption, said, in Hebrew, the thing you say when someone tells you they're pregnant (not that I'd ever say that "I'm pregnant", cuz that's weird.) It's something along the lines of "good luck". She knows congratulations aren't quite in order.
We're feeling really good about it, though. It doesn't hurt that the chances of his first mother deciding to parent him aren't very high. She's young, has her family's support in the adoption, and had actually originally placed him with another agency and then changed her mind. Once she had him home for a while, she realized she really needed to go back to her adoption plan. So she called our agency and dropped him off same-day. I can't imagine how hard it was for her. People often talk about their child's birth mother and say "she's the strongest woman I know" and it always sounded fake to me. But faced with what our little guy's mom did, the choices she made because of her love for him, I know she's a very strong young woman.
She didn't want to meet us or see our profile, because she said it would make it harder to stick to her decision. She finally did decide that she wants us to send pictures/letters a few times a year. I'm glad for that, because it leaves it open for her to decide to contact us or him. And, in the future, if he wants to talk to her, at least he can write her a letter. Even if she doesn't write him back.
We really were geared up for a very open adoption, but this is okay. It's his life and, if we turn out to be his permanent parents, we'll be there to help him navigate it all.
Okay, you want to know about the baby, right? He's cute. He's a little under 9 pounds and he's 6 weeks old. He's got a lot of dark baby hair that will probably fall out and kink up. He's been, so far (crosses fingers), an easy baby. He eats, he sleeps, he burps, he wets like a monsoon. He's currently in a sling on my chest. He's healthy, happy and seems to be adjusting to us pretty well.
The comparison to Niblet and her constant need for attention, motion, quiet, is...well...striking. We're calm. We're not worried about him.
Niblet, however, is coming over tomorrow afternoon and we're guessing she won't like sharing us with the interloper. We're going to go pick her up a little brown baby doll of her own to hold and take out her agressions on. Wish us luck on the introduction!
We're just happy campers right now.
(Okay, so he's not Totally Our Son, just Probably Our Son...28 days to go!)
I'll tell you right off that he's the most beautiful baby in the world. I apologize to all your children or future children, cuz he must have been a real pig at the Cute Buffet.
I sound like a mommy, don't I? :)
We stayed with family Thursday night and came back yesterday afternoon.
We got to bring him to services last night and introduce him to our Rabbi. She always knows the right thing to say and, being familiar with foster care and adoption, said, in Hebrew, the thing you say when someone tells you they're pregnant (not that I'd ever say that "I'm pregnant", cuz that's weird.) It's something along the lines of "good luck". She knows congratulations aren't quite in order.
We're feeling really good about it, though. It doesn't hurt that the chances of his first mother deciding to parent him aren't very high. She's young, has her family's support in the adoption, and had actually originally placed him with another agency and then changed her mind. Once she had him home for a while, she realized she really needed to go back to her adoption plan. So she called our agency and dropped him off same-day. I can't imagine how hard it was for her. People often talk about their child's birth mother and say "she's the strongest woman I know" and it always sounded fake to me. But faced with what our little guy's mom did, the choices she made because of her love for him, I know she's a very strong young woman.
She didn't want to meet us or see our profile, because she said it would make it harder to stick to her decision. She finally did decide that she wants us to send pictures/letters a few times a year. I'm glad for that, because it leaves it open for her to decide to contact us or him. And, in the future, if he wants to talk to her, at least he can write her a letter. Even if she doesn't write him back.
We really were geared up for a very open adoption, but this is okay. It's his life and, if we turn out to be his permanent parents, we'll be there to help him navigate it all.
Okay, you want to know about the baby, right? He's cute. He's a little under 9 pounds and he's 6 weeks old. He's got a lot of dark baby hair that will probably fall out and kink up. He's been, so far (crosses fingers), an easy baby. He eats, he sleeps, he burps, he wets like a monsoon. He's currently in a sling on my chest. He's healthy, happy and seems to be adjusting to us pretty well.
The comparison to Niblet and her constant need for attention, motion, quiet, is...well...striking. We're calm. We're not worried about him.
Niblet, however, is coming over tomorrow afternoon and we're guessing she won't like sharing us with the interloper. We're going to go pick her up a little brown baby doll of her own to hold and take out her agressions on. Wish us luck on the introduction!
We're just happy campers right now.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Have I mentioned the rollercoaster?
Previous baby situation is no more.
But we're getting on a train tonight to head to The Big City and get a baby boy who was born at the end of January. His mom has had him since birth and decided to make an adoption plan.
They want us thereearly tomorrow morning tonight to do the paperwork and take him home.
Could this be IT? I can't make assumptions, but it seems likely. It will still be 30 days until the surrender is final, but considering how long we had Niblet without knowing, 30 days will be a breeze!
In other news, CPS can bite my big patootie. They're doing their thing with the investigation and I just don't care anymore.
But we're getting on a train tonight to head to The Big City and get a baby boy who was born at the end of January. His mom has had him since birth and decided to make an adoption plan.
They want us there
Could this be IT? I can't make assumptions, but it seems likely. It will still be 30 days until the surrender is final, but considering how long we had Niblet without knowing, 30 days will be a breeze!
In other news, CPS can bite my big patootie. They're doing their thing with the investigation and I just don't care anymore.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Possible adoption match
There's a woman due at the end of March who contacted our agency.
The financials are a little higher than we'd wanted, but otherwise it sounds perfect.
We haven't gotten to talk to the agency yet, as they emailed us on their way out the door at 5pm. Obviously we'll be on the phone at 9am tomorrow.
She'll be shown our profile among at least a few others, and she may or may not pick us.
If she does pick us, she may or may not actually place with us - it is our understanding that chances are less than 50% for pre-birth matches.
Yet, it is still very exciting.
The baby will be a full African-American girl.
And since it's only 2 weeks til her due date, the wait wouldn't be very long.
EEP
The financials are a little higher than we'd wanted, but otherwise it sounds perfect.
We haven't gotten to talk to the agency yet, as they emailed us on their way out the door at 5pm. Obviously we'll be on the phone at 9am tomorrow.
She'll be shown our profile among at least a few others, and she may or may not pick us.
If she does pick us, she may or may not actually place with us - it is our understanding that chances are less than 50% for pre-birth matches.
Yet, it is still very exciting.
The baby will be a full African-American girl.
And since it's only 2 weeks til her due date, the wait wouldn't be very long.
EEP
Monday, March 05, 2007
Want a laugh?
They're doing an investigation regarding the bruises Joy has.
They took her to the ER, took our statements and removed her to a different foster home.
Just when she was starting to get used to us. Poor kid.
They have 60 days to decide if there's anything to blame us for. Then we'd have to go to court. Unless they clear us. Who the hell knows what they'll decide.
Everyone - our placement worker, our friends, other foster parents, everyone else at DSS who has met us - knows that we didn't hurt this baby. It doesn't matter. (and, yes, I understand and respect that they have to apply the same rules to everyone and investigate, but I get the impression that they could have de-escalated it early on in the process and chose not to.)
Well, I guess we know we won't be getting any new placements for the next 60 days, eh?
They took her to the ER, took our statements and removed her to a different foster home.
Just when she was starting to get used to us. Poor kid.
They have 60 days to decide if there's anything to blame us for. Then we'd have to go to court. Unless they clear us. Who the hell knows what they'll decide.
Everyone - our placement worker, our friends, other foster parents, everyone else at DSS who has met us - knows that we didn't hurt this baby. It doesn't matter. (and, yes, I understand and respect that they have to apply the same rules to everyone and investigate, but I get the impression that they could have de-escalated it early on in the process and chose not to.)
Well, I guess we know we won't be getting any new placements for the next 60 days, eh?
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