So I just saw the comment on an old entry asking if anyone was still around to update.
Unbelievably, our little guy is four now.
He's doing great.
He's brilliant and sweet and creative. He says mind-blowing things on a regular basis. He's still kinda clingy but he's doing well socially with his peers too. He's obsessed with Toy Story. And our kiddo does obsession well! It gets boring fast. Ah well...
I came back and took a peak at this blog after a long time away because a member of my community is in the process of getting licensed through the county we worked with. I wanted to share some of my perspective, so she could be as prepared as possible for the terrible realities of the system. And possibly choose not to take her family down that road.
Another community member posted on FaceBook a few days ago a link to an article claiming (like a recent commenter did here) that counties are stealing kids for foster care because it brings money in. And then in the discussion that spurned, another article by a social worker in the foster care system who knows the iffiness of what she does for her job but thinks "better me than someone else."
The morality of being involved in the foster system in any voluntary way (meaning case workers and foster parents, rather than birth parents or children) is such a fuzzy grey area thing. I can't make heads or tails of it. And I can't judge others for which side of the line they land on, as long as they're seeing the line with their eyes open.
However, there's another whole level of ethical concern to consider when there are already children in the home. I would never foster through the county again now that I have a kid. The mismanagement and meanness is too risky to my family's health. Would I do it through a more competent private agency, which would still be subject to some of the limitations that the county has as far as getting a decent outcome for the children in its charge? Maybe... But it'd take a LOT for me to trust any agency again as far as they need to be trusted to become that deeply enmeshed in my family's life.
I have struggled so much with thinking the existing system should be shut down and that no reform is good enough, yet really wanting to see SOME competence within the system since it doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon. If there were good case-workers, more good foster parents would stick around (I personally know MANY who have been burned too many times by the incompetence and will never go back). And the kids would be so much better served. I would still think it was an unethical and wrong-headed approach to dealing with child abuse, but maybe it could stop causing quite as much harm.
So does it make sense to encourage ethical people who are good parents to be involved in foster care? Or to discourage people you value from getting themselves trampled by the foster care monster?
Not that it matters, entirely. People will make their own decisions. But I'm struggling with this right now.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
I forgot the golden rule...
The Golden Rule of foster care is: Never Assume.
We haven't seen Niblet in over 2 years. Last we heard, she was living with family members who we had met and liked. The assumption was that they would end up adopting her and that would be that.
I ran into Niblet's birthfather today as I was on my way home from work. I was very friendly, he was very friendly, like two old friends. When, really, I'd like to rip his head off just for the things I *know* about that he's done or allowed to be done to Niblet.
I asked if she is in pre-K or K, and he said pre-K (she turned 5 last month). I asked where she was, meaning which school (yes, I was fishing, but whatever), and he thought I meant where was she living and he said "With Mary on Main St." (names and locations changed to protect...someone...). Main St is the street we live off of. It's not very long. Which means that Niblet, my baby girl, is living right near me and probably at the public school we walk past all the time.
I don't even know what to do with this information. Except that now I desperately want to find this "Mary". And I'm trying very, very hard not to think about why she isn't living with her family and why she's in foster care again.
The father said he was scheduled to see Niblet next week and would tell her he ran into me. I wonder if he will, and I am really, really curious if she remembers me/us. I don't even know what I would do if I saw her again.
We haven't seen Niblet in over 2 years. Last we heard, she was living with family members who we had met and liked. The assumption was that they would end up adopting her and that would be that.
I ran into Niblet's birthfather today as I was on my way home from work. I was very friendly, he was very friendly, like two old friends. When, really, I'd like to rip his head off just for the things I *know* about that he's done or allowed to be done to Niblet.
I asked if she is in pre-K or K, and he said pre-K (she turned 5 last month). I asked where she was, meaning which school (yes, I was fishing, but whatever), and he thought I meant where was she living and he said "With Mary on Main St." (names and locations changed to protect...someone...). Main St is the street we live off of. It's not very long. Which means that Niblet, my baby girl, is living right near me and probably at the public school we walk past all the time.
I don't even know what to do with this information. Except that now I desperately want to find this "Mary". And I'm trying very, very hard not to think about why she isn't living with her family and why she's in foster care again.
The father said he was scheduled to see Niblet next week and would tell her he ran into me. I wonder if he will, and I am really, really curious if she remembers me/us. I don't even know what I would do if I saw her again.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Survey Results
Responses keep coming in. It's interesting to know that this is floating around out there on the internet still, from over a year ago when I first posted it.
There's no one clear answer (shocking, right) but there's some interesting tidbits to report, as I approach 100 respondents.
First, almost all of the respondents were current or former foster parents, with 8 foster care professionals and 1 former foster child.
60% say that foster care slightly or significantly reduces the liklihood of physical harm to the child.
56% say it slightly or significantly increases the liklihood of emotional harm to the child (18% netural, only 26% say it reduces liklihood of emotional harm).
Divided across the board on whether it increases or decreases the stability of the child's life or of child's healthy attachments.
-
The two biggest weaknesses of the system were reported to be:
Good flow of information among birth parents, case workers, and foster parents
and
Retention of good case workers
The two biggest strengths were reported as:
Children receive necessary therapeutic services while in foster care
and
Birth parents treated with respect
Of the items listed as possible weaknesses or strengths within a given foster system, five were clearly rated as weaknesses and two as successes (others were ties).
---
When asked how they would change the foster system, here's how the options given are ranked after all the current votes:
1- Clearly defined standards for birth families to meet in order for child to be returned
2 - Enforcement of Federal ASFA (Adoption and Safe Families Act) rules for permanency
3 - Increased communication between case workers and foster parents
4 - Follow-up supervision and services for families after reunification
5 - Law Guardians/Guardians Ad Litem fulfill their duties as child's advocate
6 - All case workers in the foster care system required to receive MAPP training
7 - Family Court judges required to receive MAPP training
8 - Better pay for foster care professionals
The most common suggestion under "other" was to increase/improve services offered to families to prevent removal in the first place.
(I should've thought of that! :)
---
So, dear readers, if any of you do remain on this neglected little blog, what do you think I should do with these stats and the comments people have left?
Should I try to do more publicity and get more responses?
Should I try to get a more public venue to report this?
There are about 25 people willing to talk about their experiences publicly, too.
I was just reading a bit on Pound Pup Legacy http://poundpuplegacy.org/ which I had never encountered before, and there's a desire there to get better media coverage for the disaster that is the Child Welfare System. Which is my goal as well, in the hopes that media coverage leads to improvements (though with such beaurocratic agencies, it's far from a sure thing).
I am reminded of this because Dawn's blog (This Woman's Work http://www.thiswomanswork.com/) is up for a contest for "Best Adoption Blog" and it really IS one of the best. Talks about adoption without hiding from reality and making things pretty, with deep analysis and willingness to learn. And is written well. So I was poking around there, though I don't keep current with it. And was reminded of the ridiculousness that is the foster system and my desire to do "something" about it, though I don't know what that something is.
I do have a friend who's a statistician and would probably rip holes in my methods of surveying, but could also help me figure out the best way to present my results.
Ok... what do you think? Interesting results at all? Are you surprised by them? Do you have any additional burning questions for future potential survey takers? Would you re-post the survey link on your blog or facebook or whatever if you have a community of foster parents/case-workers/kids/etc who read it? Should I just let it go?
Thanks!
Hope things are going as well as they can in all your corners of the universe.
There's no one clear answer (shocking, right) but there's some interesting tidbits to report, as I approach 100 respondents.
First, almost all of the respondents were current or former foster parents, with 8 foster care professionals and 1 former foster child.
60% say that foster care slightly or significantly reduces the liklihood of physical harm to the child.
56% say it slightly or significantly increases the liklihood of emotional harm to the child (18% netural, only 26% say it reduces liklihood of emotional harm).
Divided across the board on whether it increases or decreases the stability of the child's life or of child's healthy attachments.
-
The two biggest weaknesses of the system were reported to be:
Good flow of information among birth parents, case workers, and foster parents
and
Retention of good case workers
The two biggest strengths were reported as:
Children receive necessary therapeutic services while in foster care
and
Birth parents treated with respect
Of the items listed as possible weaknesses or strengths within a given foster system, five were clearly rated as weaknesses and two as successes (others were ties).
---
When asked how they would change the foster system, here's how the options given are ranked after all the current votes:
1- Clearly defined standards for birth families to meet in order for child to be returned
2 - Enforcement of Federal ASFA (Adoption and Safe Families Act) rules for permanency
3 - Increased communication between case workers and foster parents
4 - Follow-up supervision and services for families after reunification
5 - Law Guardians/Guardians Ad Litem fulfill their duties as child's advocate
6 - All case workers in the foster care system required to receive MAPP training
7 - Family Court judges required to receive MAPP training
8 - Better pay for foster care professionals
The most common suggestion under "other" was to increase/improve services offered to families to prevent removal in the first place.
(I should've thought of that! :)
---
So, dear readers, if any of you do remain on this neglected little blog, what do you think I should do with these stats and the comments people have left?
Should I try to do more publicity and get more responses?
Should I try to get a more public venue to report this?
There are about 25 people willing to talk about their experiences publicly, too.
I was just reading a bit on Pound Pup Legacy http://poundpuplegacy.org/ which I had never encountered before, and there's a desire there to get better media coverage for the disaster that is the Child Welfare System. Which is my goal as well, in the hopes that media coverage leads to improvements (though with such beaurocratic agencies, it's far from a sure thing).
I am reminded of this because Dawn's blog (This Woman's Work http://www.thiswomanswork.com/) is up for a contest for "Best Adoption Blog" and it really IS one of the best. Talks about adoption without hiding from reality and making things pretty, with deep analysis and willingness to learn. And is written well. So I was poking around there, though I don't keep current with it. And was reminded of the ridiculousness that is the foster system and my desire to do "something" about it, though I don't know what that something is.
I do have a friend who's a statistician and would probably rip holes in my methods of surveying, but could also help me figure out the best way to present my results.
Ok... what do you think? Interesting results at all? Are you surprised by them? Do you have any additional burning questions for future potential survey takers? Would you re-post the survey link on your blog or facebook or whatever if you have a community of foster parents/case-workers/kids/etc who read it? Should I just let it go?
Thanks!
Hope things are going as well as they can in all your corners of the universe.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Will Mother's Day always be bittersweet?
The first Mother's Day that we had Squeak, we had Niblet visiting with us, as well. The 4 of us galavanted around town and had a great time. It's a time I think about when I imagine what it would have been like if she'd come back to us.
Niblet's 4th birthday was recently. I can't imagine what she must be like now. I hope she's talking up a storm. We never really heard her talk. She had a few words by the time she left us at 18 months old, and a couple more a year later, but we never heard her say sentences or really express any feelings or anything. Although she was a wonderful little person, we lost contact with her before she came into her personhood. I hope she has it now. As far as we know, she's still with her good family members and I hope they've TPRed her parents by now. She could be adopted and have a mother, father and 2 older, doting, brothers. That would be great.
But still, I mourn. She is my daughter. As much as her birthmother (even more, some would argue), I am her mother. I don't know if I wish for her to remember us, or for her family to tell her about her time in foster care, but even if she never knows, I know we are a part of who she is and I will always miss her with each passing year.
A while ago, I happened to catch sight of Niblet's birthparents waiting for a bus. Her mother was, as far as I could tell from my drive-by view, very pregnant. I have no idea if I was right, or what happened to that baby. It drove home how much is still uncertain for Niblet and how many children there are out there who are in danger or living in horrible situations. At the time I didn't know whether to hope that the baby was born addicted and taken away then, or to hope that the parents were getting help and managing to keep things together for the little one. This time. That second option doesn't stick with me very long. Because the thing about good parenting is that you have to do it forever. And I don't trust those people with a child. At. All. I'm left with the hope that the kid will get hurt like Niblet did - enough for a removal, but not enough to cause permanent damage (whatever that means).
I guess my thoughts are just all over the place. Even though we're not doing fostercare anymore, and at this point we're considering not even adopting again at all, (since Squeak is awesome enough!), I wanted to reach out there and let you guys that, at least at Chez FosterMoms, fostering is still taking a toll.
I just hope that my little girl is enjoying life to the fullest and that Mother's Day and her birthday fill her only with feelings of love and joy.
Niblet's 4th birthday was recently. I can't imagine what she must be like now. I hope she's talking up a storm. We never really heard her talk. She had a few words by the time she left us at 18 months old, and a couple more a year later, but we never heard her say sentences or really express any feelings or anything. Although she was a wonderful little person, we lost contact with her before she came into her personhood. I hope she has it now. As far as we know, she's still with her good family members and I hope they've TPRed her parents by now. She could be adopted and have a mother, father and 2 older, doting, brothers. That would be great.
But still, I mourn. She is my daughter. As much as her birthmother (even more, some would argue), I am her mother. I don't know if I wish for her to remember us, or for her family to tell her about her time in foster care, but even if she never knows, I know we are a part of who she is and I will always miss her with each passing year.
A while ago, I happened to catch sight of Niblet's birthparents waiting for a bus. Her mother was, as far as I could tell from my drive-by view, very pregnant. I have no idea if I was right, or what happened to that baby. It drove home how much is still uncertain for Niblet and how many children there are out there who are in danger or living in horrible situations. At the time I didn't know whether to hope that the baby was born addicted and taken away then, or to hope that the parents were getting help and managing to keep things together for the little one. This time. That second option doesn't stick with me very long. Because the thing about good parenting is that you have to do it forever. And I don't trust those people with a child. At. All. I'm left with the hope that the kid will get hurt like Niblet did - enough for a removal, but not enough to cause permanent damage (whatever that means).
I guess my thoughts are just all over the place. Even though we're not doing fostercare anymore, and at this point we're considering not even adopting again at all, (since Squeak is awesome enough!), I wanted to reach out there and let you guys that, at least at Chez FosterMoms, fostering is still taking a toll.
I just hope that my little girl is enjoying life to the fullest and that Mother's Day and her birthday fill her only with feelings of love and joy.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Take my survey?
FosterMommy and I were recently asked by some friends to talk to other friends of theirs who were going through a similar foster care hell to what we experienced with Niblet. We did, and we hit it off great and we wish them tons of healing and strength as they go through the worst of losing their little boy. I also talked a bit with the mom about foster care reform and activism.
Foster care is such a broken system. My personal strong opinion is that it should be abolished completely, 100%, and all the money and resources that go toward CPS type services should instead go toward poverty-alleviation measures. I'm 1000% sure that it would keep kids safer, and it would obviously keep families together, and help adults and communities as well.
Anyway, that's not about to happen. But, I'm not going to spend all my energy pushing for foster care reform. Still, I'd like to do something.
As a foster parent, I wished for a national organization for foster parents. Mutual support, referrals for local lawyers, a blog roll, ASFA information, whatever. I'd like to try to create this, starting with a piece aimed at foster care system improvements. Since foster care is regulated at federal, state and local levels, and done differently in every area, it's complicated. But I made this simple short survey focusing on foster care reform and I'd like to use it to get an idea if what I think are the general big problems are the same things others see, and if not then what are.
If you're a foster parent who thinks the system needs to change, would you take it? And send your own blog readers over here to take it, too?
Click Here to take survey
Thanks all!!
Sorry for the crappy sentence structure here - I'm tired.
Foster care is such a broken system. My personal strong opinion is that it should be abolished completely, 100%, and all the money and resources that go toward CPS type services should instead go toward poverty-alleviation measures. I'm 1000% sure that it would keep kids safer, and it would obviously keep families together, and help adults and communities as well.
Anyway, that's not about to happen. But, I'm not going to spend all my energy pushing for foster care reform. Still, I'd like to do something.
As a foster parent, I wished for a national organization for foster parents. Mutual support, referrals for local lawyers, a blog roll, ASFA information, whatever. I'd like to try to create this, starting with a piece aimed at foster care system improvements. Since foster care is regulated at federal, state and local levels, and done differently in every area, it's complicated. But I made this simple short survey focusing on foster care reform and I'd like to use it to get an idea if what I think are the general big problems are the same things others see, and if not then what are.
If you're a foster parent who thinks the system needs to change, would you take it? And send your own blog readers over here to take it, too?
Click Here to take survey
Thanks all!!
Sorry for the crappy sentence structure here - I'm tired.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Family Court is good for something afterall!
Squeak's adoption is final!
For some families, this is a big event, but we weren't all that excited by it. We feel that Squeak has been ours since the 30-day-wait was over, last April. Since then, there has been no doubt who he is and who we are to him.
The weird part was going into the Family Court. The same court we've been to with Niblet. The same court that screwed her over numerous times. The same court that, hopefully, will make it as right as can be and leave her with her aunt and uncle and cousins. I imagined, eons ago, that we'd be in that court some day finalizing Niblet's adoption.
Fortunately, we were in front of the 3rd judge, the one we've never met, so it was easy to focus on the present. We met our lawyer there (for the first time) and she gave told us what to expect, and then all 4 of us went into the courtroom. There was nobody else there, just us and the judge and the court reporter. I think I expected a county representative, for some reason! The judge asked verified that we all were who we said we were, said hi to Squeak, and then "made it so". It took about 62 seconds. No biggie. We hadn't brought a camera (because we didn't really care about memorializing the day), but the lawyer apparently did, so we posed with the judge for a picture.
The exciting part came after we left the courtroom. The lawyer was packing up and said the new birth certificate should arrive between 6 week and 6 months and to let her know if it didn't. fostermama asked if, by any chance, there was a way to get a copy of his original (real!) birth certificate. She said "well, if I have it, I'll give you a copy" and then realized that she probably had it on her, if she had it at all. After shuffling through our file, she pulled out an official birth certificate, told us to wait a minute, and went to make a copy.
And that was that. The paper that we aren't supposed to have, the paper that is no longer official (because, officially, fostermama and I "gave birth" to Squeak - um, there are so many levels on which that's impossible), is now in our possession, laminated and ready to go in our safe deposit box.
Although we knew Squeak's birth name and his mom's name, we now have his time of birth (estimated, I'm guessing, as he was born at home and then transported to the hospital), and his mom's address at the time of his birth.
We still send pictures, etc., through the agency, and his mom didn't want any contact with us, but it's still interesting to have her address. It might come in handy when Squeak is older. At the very least, we can visit the address and show him the neighborhood where he was born.
Anyway, we already received the adoption certificate in the mail, and we're planning on keeping copies of it with us, in case we ever need to prove to someone that we are a family. But anyone who sees us can tell. Just one look at Squeak's little face when he's running towards us is enough for most people.
For some families, this is a big event, but we weren't all that excited by it. We feel that Squeak has been ours since the 30-day-wait was over, last April. Since then, there has been no doubt who he is and who we are to him.
The weird part was going into the Family Court. The same court we've been to with Niblet. The same court that screwed her over numerous times. The same court that, hopefully, will make it as right as can be and leave her with her aunt and uncle and cousins. I imagined, eons ago, that we'd be in that court some day finalizing Niblet's adoption.
Fortunately, we were in front of the 3rd judge, the one we've never met, so it was easy to focus on the present. We met our lawyer there (for the first time) and she gave told us what to expect, and then all 4 of us went into the courtroom. There was nobody else there, just us and the judge and the court reporter. I think I expected a county representative, for some reason! The judge asked verified that we all were who we said we were, said hi to Squeak, and then "made it so". It took about 62 seconds. No biggie. We hadn't brought a camera (because we didn't really care about memorializing the day), but the lawyer apparently did, so we posed with the judge for a picture.
The exciting part came after we left the courtroom. The lawyer was packing up and said the new birth certificate should arrive between 6 week and 6 months and to let her know if it didn't. fostermama asked if, by any chance, there was a way to get a copy of his original (real!) birth certificate. She said "well, if I have it, I'll give you a copy" and then realized that she probably had it on her, if she had it at all. After shuffling through our file, she pulled out an official birth certificate, told us to wait a minute, and went to make a copy.
And that was that. The paper that we aren't supposed to have, the paper that is no longer official (because, officially, fostermama and I "gave birth" to Squeak - um, there are so many levels on which that's impossible), is now in our possession, laminated and ready to go in our safe deposit box.
Although we knew Squeak's birth name and his mom's name, we now have his time of birth (estimated, I'm guessing, as he was born at home and then transported to the hospital), and his mom's address at the time of his birth.
We still send pictures, etc., through the agency, and his mom didn't want any contact with us, but it's still interesting to have her address. It might come in handy when Squeak is older. At the very least, we can visit the address and show him the neighborhood where he was born.
Anyway, we already received the adoption certificate in the mail, and we're planning on keeping copies of it with us, in case we ever need to prove to someone that we are a family. But anyone who sees us can tell. Just one look at Squeak's little face when he's running towards us is enough for most people.
Friday, May 09, 2008
"How long? How long must we sing this song?"
I can't imagine why I have this U2 song stuck in my head...
Niblet's birthday is coming up. She is going to be 3 years old and she still doesn't have a permanent home. Never has. It makes me so angry and so very sad. The county had a choice. They could have kept her where she was, with us, where she had been for as long as she could remember and where she was safe and loved. Instead, chose limbo. To send her to her very old father who maybe-kinda-sorta-might be able to handle an energetic 18 month old and, ya know, see how that goes. Well, it didn't go very well. And now she's with a family who loves her and cares for her and keeps her safe...and they're still allowing the father to "work his plan" and try and get her back. As far as we know.
I thought I might run into Niblet's father today, because I do occasionally. fostermama and Squeak and I went to the store this morning and got her a birthday card, slipped our phone number in it, and a picture for her family from her 1st birthday. I was hoping to give it to him and ask him to pass it along to her. No guarantee that he'd do it, but if he did, then at least they'd have our phone number. Not that I really think they'd use it, but whatever. I want them to know how much we miss her, but it's impossible to convey. Why should they care, even if they did understand? As far as I know, they could be in the process of losing her back to her father. We're not their family or their friends. All we are is a reminder that the system sucks and that they could lose her. Would I want to be in contact with us if I were them? I don't know. I'd do it for Niblet's sake, but as far as we know, the caseworkers have actively told them not to talk to us.
As I read Baggage's description of the Federal laws and how her county follows them pretty well, I became overwhelmed with sadness for the thousands of kids who live in counties, like ours, that don't give a crap. If Niblet had simply been born in a different county, she would very likely have a permanent family and not be in need of multiple therapies each week. It makes me afraid to continue living in this city that, otherwise, I love. It boggles my mind.
I hope we can find a way to keep up on Niblet's case. We made a promise to do something if her father manages to get her back, and I need to be able to make good on that promise.
This Mother's Day, send a little mothering energy Niblet's way. She needs a permanent, safe, loving mother to raise her into the wonderful, vivacious woman I know she will be. In exchange, I'll send you a little bit of that Niblet Hug I'm keeping in my heart.
Niblet's birthday is coming up. She is going to be 3 years old and she still doesn't have a permanent home. Never has. It makes me so angry and so very sad. The county had a choice. They could have kept her where she was, with us, where she had been for as long as she could remember and where she was safe and loved. Instead, chose limbo. To send her to her very old father who maybe-kinda-sorta-might be able to handle an energetic 18 month old and, ya know, see how that goes. Well, it didn't go very well. And now she's with a family who loves her and cares for her and keeps her safe...and they're still allowing the father to "work his plan" and try and get her back. As far as we know.
I thought I might run into Niblet's father today, because I do occasionally. fostermama and Squeak and I went to the store this morning and got her a birthday card, slipped our phone number in it, and a picture for her family from her 1st birthday. I was hoping to give it to him and ask him to pass it along to her. No guarantee that he'd do it, but if he did, then at least they'd have our phone number. Not that I really think they'd use it, but whatever. I want them to know how much we miss her, but it's impossible to convey. Why should they care, even if they did understand? As far as I know, they could be in the process of losing her back to her father. We're not their family or their friends. All we are is a reminder that the system sucks and that they could lose her. Would I want to be in contact with us if I were them? I don't know. I'd do it for Niblet's sake, but as far as we know, the caseworkers have actively told them not to talk to us.
As I read Baggage's description of the Federal laws and how her county follows them pretty well, I became overwhelmed with sadness for the thousands of kids who live in counties, like ours, that don't give a crap. If Niblet had simply been born in a different county, she would very likely have a permanent family and not be in need of multiple therapies each week. It makes me afraid to continue living in this city that, otherwise, I love. It boggles my mind.
I hope we can find a way to keep up on Niblet's case. We made a promise to do something if her father manages to get her back, and I need to be able to make good on that promise.
This Mother's Day, send a little mothering energy Niblet's way. She needs a permanent, safe, loving mother to raise her into the wonderful, vivacious woman I know she will be. In exchange, I'll send you a little bit of that Niblet Hug I'm keeping in my heart.
The Last Time
A few weeks ago, I ran into them. I haven't posted about it because I'm having a hard time processing it. Squeak and I were headed to the local playground and when we got there, I saw Niblet's aunt and uncle at a picnic table. I almost fainted, the physical impact of seeing them was that strong. I immediately scanned for Niblet and there she was. Her cousin was blowing bubbles for her and she was watching them and batting at them. The aunt and uncle saw me and I said hi. Her aunt said "Niblet, look who's here. Go say hi."
And Niblet turned around and saw me and ran over. She said "hi!" and I scooped her up and she gave me a big hug. The Certified Niblet Hug. With her legs wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my head. She's still so light, she barely felt heavier than Squeak. I didn't want to put her down. She didn't want to get down. But I could feel her aunt watching us and I felt it was better to put her down. I whispered in her ear that I love her and was so very glad to see her.
I put her down and asked her if she was having fun at the playground. Then I asked her aunt how they were doing, how the move went, etc. She gave friendly, but short, answers. I said that we'd tried to call them, but their phone wasn't working. She said it still hasn't been turned on and it's been a while. I asked if they had our number, she said they'd lost it, but I didn't have any paper (I actually did, but I forgot!) and they didn't make any move to put it in their cell (which was sitting on the table) or otherwise seem to care about it. It was possibly the most uncomfortable conversation I've ever had. I didn't even ask how Niblet's therapies were going or how the case was going or anything. I did compliment Niblet on her hair, and asked her aunt if she'd done it, which she had. I asked Niblet if she sat still while she got her hair done and her aunt said "say 'yes', Niblet." and Niblet said yes.
Oh, and Squeak was there, too. Niblet was very happy to see him and patted him on the head, just like she's done every time since she first met him. Her aunt was happy to see him and how big he's gotten.
I called fostermama to see if she could make it to the playground to see Niblet, but she was stuck at work. I took Squeak on the jungle gym and played around, but all the while my stomach was in my throat and I was jittery.
They started packing up to leave, so I went over to say goodbye. As they walked to their car, Niblet kept looking back. I waved each time she did, and she liked that, so she kept doing it. It felt so surreal, like a movie scene. I felt, in my heart, that it was the last time I was ever going to see her.
And Niblet turned around and saw me and ran over. She said "hi!" and I scooped her up and she gave me a big hug. The Certified Niblet Hug. With her legs wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my head. She's still so light, she barely felt heavier than Squeak. I didn't want to put her down. She didn't want to get down. But I could feel her aunt watching us and I felt it was better to put her down. I whispered in her ear that I love her and was so very glad to see her.
I put her down and asked her if she was having fun at the playground. Then I asked her aunt how they were doing, how the move went, etc. She gave friendly, but short, answers. I said that we'd tried to call them, but their phone wasn't working. She said it still hasn't been turned on and it's been a while. I asked if they had our number, she said they'd lost it, but I didn't have any paper (I actually did, but I forgot!) and they didn't make any move to put it in their cell (which was sitting on the table) or otherwise seem to care about it. It was possibly the most uncomfortable conversation I've ever had. I didn't even ask how Niblet's therapies were going or how the case was going or anything. I did compliment Niblet on her hair, and asked her aunt if she'd done it, which she had. I asked Niblet if she sat still while she got her hair done and her aunt said "say 'yes', Niblet." and Niblet said yes.
Oh, and Squeak was there, too. Niblet was very happy to see him and patted him on the head, just like she's done every time since she first met him. Her aunt was happy to see him and how big he's gotten.
I called fostermama to see if she could make it to the playground to see Niblet, but she was stuck at work. I took Squeak on the jungle gym and played around, but all the while my stomach was in my throat and I was jittery.
They started packing up to leave, so I went over to say goodbye. As they walked to their car, Niblet kept looking back. I waved each time she did, and she liked that, so she kept doing it. It felt so surreal, like a movie scene. I felt, in my heart, that it was the last time I was ever going to see her.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Nothing yet - grief continued.
After trying to call Niblet's family at the phone number they said they were keeping when they moved, and getting no answer or answering machine, we decided to write them. We sent them a simple Easter card and said we hoped they were settled in at their new place and that we'd love to see Niblet soon, so please call us. We put my cell number, as our home voicemail sometimes craps out. (VoIP is cheap, and that's it's only redeeming factor.)
Even though they moved, it was within the same zip code, so even though we don't have their new address, it should get to them with very little delay. So they should have received the card by now and we haven't heard from them. Granted, it's only been a few days and they have 3 kids keeping them busy.
However, we're bracing ourselves for the possibility that they're not going to call. The real fear is that someone, the county caseworker, one of the other social workers on the case, etc., has told them not to allow us to have contact with Niblet. Or that it would be a good idea to not allow contact. If that's the case, then we have very little chance of ever seeing Niblet again. Because, really, of course they would do it. They don't know us from a hole in the wall, and they want to adopt Niblet, so of course they would do whatever the People In Charge say to do. I'd do it, too.
My next plan is to call the county case worker (the same Evil One who was Niblet's worker when we had her) and cheerfully say that we've lost touch with Niblet since they moved and would she please pass our phone number on to them. It would give her a chance to hem and haw and say whether she thinks that's a good idea - at which point I'd probably argue with her, because what do I have to lose?
Fostermama's on the fence. She's not sure she wants to pursue it. And I see her point. Niblet is in a safe family now. She doesn't need us. She would, I assume, be happy to see us, but really it's all about our need to see her.
I feel selfish, but, really, it's such a weird situation. We basically had our child taken away from us. Sure, we knew it was happening, we knew she was going back to her father, but by that point she was already ours. And we were hers. The county fucked up. They never should have returned her to her bioparents. They never should have returned her and NOT CHECKED UP ON HER. They should have left well enough alone.
And then I would have my baby girl. She would be here right now, playing in the living room, or eating dinner. I would be with her, because I wouldn't be here blogging about losing her. She is almost 3 years old and we would be working on her application to the Montessori preschool nearby. She would be adopted and we would have changed her name to the one we chose for her, the one we called her by for most of the time she was with us. We might even be thinking about getting ready to adopt a sibling for her.
Instead, she's out there somewhere living her life without me. Yes, we have Squeak. And I don't, for one second, wish I didn't have him. I love him with all my heart. However, I do wish I had her. If everything had worked out as it should have, we would have her and not him. And that would be okay. Because I wouldn't know what I was missing. This way, we do have Squeak and all the goodness that he is, but we also know what we've lost.
Sometimes, it's really the worst pain I can imagine. I can't sugarcoat it. I feel horrible crying for the baby I lost when I have my wonderful son sitting right there, being his wonderful little self, everything I ever wanted. I feel horrible thinking about a world where I didn't have him, and wishing for it. It makes me wish I'd never heard of adopting through fostercare.
Even though they moved, it was within the same zip code, so even though we don't have their new address, it should get to them with very little delay. So they should have received the card by now and we haven't heard from them. Granted, it's only been a few days and they have 3 kids keeping them busy.
However, we're bracing ourselves for the possibility that they're not going to call. The real fear is that someone, the county caseworker, one of the other social workers on the case, etc., has told them not to allow us to have contact with Niblet. Or that it would be a good idea to not allow contact. If that's the case, then we have very little chance of ever seeing Niblet again. Because, really, of course they would do it. They don't know us from a hole in the wall, and they want to adopt Niblet, so of course they would do whatever the People In Charge say to do. I'd do it, too.
My next plan is to call the county case worker (the same Evil One who was Niblet's worker when we had her) and cheerfully say that we've lost touch with Niblet since they moved and would she please pass our phone number on to them. It would give her a chance to hem and haw and say whether she thinks that's a good idea - at which point I'd probably argue with her, because what do I have to lose?
Fostermama's on the fence. She's not sure she wants to pursue it. And I see her point. Niblet is in a safe family now. She doesn't need us. She would, I assume, be happy to see us, but really it's all about our need to see her.
I feel selfish, but, really, it's such a weird situation. We basically had our child taken away from us. Sure, we knew it was happening, we knew she was going back to her father, but by that point she was already ours. And we were hers. The county fucked up. They never should have returned her to her bioparents. They never should have returned her and NOT CHECKED UP ON HER. They should have left well enough alone.
And then I would have my baby girl. She would be here right now, playing in the living room, or eating dinner. I would be with her, because I wouldn't be here blogging about losing her. She is almost 3 years old and we would be working on her application to the Montessori preschool nearby. She would be adopted and we would have changed her name to the one we chose for her, the one we called her by for most of the time she was with us. We might even be thinking about getting ready to adopt a sibling for her.
Instead, she's out there somewhere living her life without me. Yes, we have Squeak. And I don't, for one second, wish I didn't have him. I love him with all my heart. However, I do wish I had her. If everything had worked out as it should have, we would have her and not him. And that would be okay. Because I wouldn't know what I was missing. This way, we do have Squeak and all the goodness that he is, but we also know what we've lost.
Sometimes, it's really the worst pain I can imagine. I can't sugarcoat it. I feel horrible crying for the baby I lost when I have my wonderful son sitting right there, being his wonderful little self, everything I ever wanted. I feel horrible thinking about a world where I didn't have him, and wishing for it. It makes me wish I'd never heard of adopting through fostercare.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Niblet: Losing touch
Niblet's family moved a few weeks ago. Her aunt said they were keeping their old phone number and that we should call after they moved and we could see Niblet. We've been calling every couple of days since then, and there's been no answer. No voice mail. No answering machine. Nothing. Previously, they were without an answering machine for a while, but we very often caught them when they were home and they'd answer.
Our next step is to send a card (a "welcome to your new home" type card) to their old address and hope that they have their mail forwarded.
If that doesn't work, we're kinda SOL. We could call Niblet's caseworker and ask her to ask the aunt to call us, or send a letter through her, but that's not very likely to work, either.
Hopefully we'll get in touch, but what if we don't? I think about the last time we saw Niblet and I really don't want that to have been The Last Time. I mean, we live in a small enough city that we *could* cross paths at some point, but it's unlikely.
In related news, I found out that Niblet's "father" is seeing the domestic violence counselor at my workplace again. He was doing that when we had Niblet, as part of his case plan. He continued for a while after she was placed back with him, but had stopped. The fact that he's seeing her again suggests to me that he's trying to work his plan again. He's trying to get that poor baby girl back into his care again. He just needs someone to tell him to give it up. He's 70-fucking-years-old. She has a family who loves her and takes proper care of her. Let well enough alone.
I really need to get back in touch with Niblet. I need to hug her. And I need to stay informed about her case because, if he gets her back, there are things we need To Do.
Right now Squeak needs me, so I'll end here.
Our next step is to send a card (a "welcome to your new home" type card) to their old address and hope that they have their mail forwarded.
If that doesn't work, we're kinda SOL. We could call Niblet's caseworker and ask her to ask the aunt to call us, or send a letter through her, but that's not very likely to work, either.
Hopefully we'll get in touch, but what if we don't? I think about the last time we saw Niblet and I really don't want that to have been The Last Time. I mean, we live in a small enough city that we *could* cross paths at some point, but it's unlikely.
In related news, I found out that Niblet's "father" is seeing the domestic violence counselor at my workplace again. He was doing that when we had Niblet, as part of his case plan. He continued for a while after she was placed back with him, but had stopped. The fact that he's seeing her again suggests to me that he's trying to work his plan again. He's trying to get that poor baby girl back into his care again. He just needs someone to tell him to give it up. He's 70-fucking-years-old. She has a family who loves her and takes proper care of her. Let well enough alone.
I really need to get back in touch with Niblet. I need to hug her. And I need to stay informed about her case because, if he gets her back, there are things we need To Do.
Right now Squeak needs me, so I'll end here.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
We don't need to borrow trouble, we have enough of our own.
Sometimes I think that it's a good thing we're not doing foster care anymore. Too much trouble. There's only so many times I can watch the system screw up a perfectly good child.
But things Chez Us have not been calm and relaxed since ending our relationship with The County. Nor has bringing home our beloved Squeak been everything we hoped for and more.
Okay, that's not really what I mean. Squeak HAS been everything we hoped for. And more. He's beautiful and loving and sweet and the best little Squeak ever. He's my boy. I love him with every fiber in my being. Definitely deeper than I loved Niblet or any of the other foster kids. (I can't say that I love him *more*, though. It's complicated.)
Squeak, however, is sick.
I mentioned his eczema in the last post and a few of you who have been down this road brought up allergies. Oh yes, eczema is a huge red flag for allergies. Squeak came to us at 6 weeks old. By 8 weeks he had a little spot of something on his cheek. Then his chin. Then they got bigger. Then they started to ooze. We tried anti-fungals, we tried soothing ointments, we tried a shitload of stuff. We eventually realized it was eczema and we tried a shitload more stuff. We went to a dermatologist, a homeopath, a naturopath. We wanted to avoid using steroids, because that just suppresses the reaction and can lead to worse problems, like asthma. If you can find it on the internet or buy it at a drug store, we tried it.
We found out about the eczema/food allergy link and went to a pediatric allergist looking for a prescription for a blood test. Because we are breastfeeding Squeak, we had already put ourselves on an elimination diet, eliminating the top-8 most likely food allergens. We got the blood test and, when it came back, it showed that Squeak is, in fact, allergic to quite a number of things.
Namely:
milk, soy, wheat, egg, peanuts, most other nuts. We were also told to stay clear of all other beans, as well. Any of these are liable to give him an anaphylactic (life-threatening) reaction. Good times.
We didn't eat meat to begin with and, although fostermama is happy to eat some chicken and fish, I have spent my whole life as a vegetarian and my body just doesn't react to meat very well. I tried, even. No good.
You may notice that this list doesn't leave room for much in the way of protein. Add to this that the test only covered a dozen or so foods. He may very well be allergic to other things not tested for. So our best option was to put ourselves on a Total Elimination Diet. Where we eat one protein (in our case, nutritional yeast), one grain, one vegetable, one fruit, one oil. For a Really Long Time. And see if his reactions (the eczema) go away or calm down.
This is what we did. When faced with a child who looked very much like a burn victim, eating 6 things for the foreseeable future didn't seem like such a bad idea.
We also started topical steroids. Squeak was just TOO uncomfortable from the constant itching and pain. We were exhausted from spending all day keeping him from scratching himself. None of us were sleeping well. We tried a couple of anti-histamines, but they didn't do much of anything. So we were out of reasonable options. Steroids and an elimination diet were IT. (Yes, we could have weaned him to a non-allergenic formula like Ne0cate, but that stuff is expensive and disgusting, so it wasn't a choice we were willing to make.)
The steroids, and two 20-minute baths per day, cleared him up very quickly. Within a month, he had picture-perfect skin. He was no longer miserable. Then we started the long road toward introducing foods and healing his body so he can, hopefully, reduce his allergies and keep his skin clear even without the steroids.
Basically, that's where we've been since the summer. After a month or so on the original diet, we started adding in foods one at a time to test for a reaction. We couldn't add a food when he had a cold (which happened pretty often this winter) and when he had a reaction (we've found allergies to a few other things that weren't tested for) we had to wait a few weeks until that cleared. Now we have about a dozen foods we can eat. We have to buy all our brown rice in 25-lb bags so we know it's not cross-contaminated with wheat. We buy gluten-free (wheat-free) rice pasta. We don't buy anything packaged until we've contacted the company and asked about their processing and packaging and if the food is ever in the same room as one of his allergens. It's a PITA.
This whole process has thrust us into the world of food allergies in a way we never expected. We took a ton of books out of the library and read the internet for hours trying to figure out how to manage his life from here on in. Whereas, when we had Niblet, we spent time researching the effects of prenatal cocaine on a child, that was something that had already happened to her. This is something that is bound to get MORE dangerous as he grows up. It's a whole new level of scary.
So, yeah, we're not likely to get back into foster care anytime soon. We have enough going on.
But things Chez Us have not been calm and relaxed since ending our relationship with The County. Nor has bringing home our beloved Squeak been everything we hoped for and more.
Okay, that's not really what I mean. Squeak HAS been everything we hoped for. And more. He's beautiful and loving and sweet and the best little Squeak ever. He's my boy. I love him with every fiber in my being. Definitely deeper than I loved Niblet or any of the other foster kids. (I can't say that I love him *more*, though. It's complicated.)
Squeak, however, is sick.
I mentioned his eczema in the last post and a few of you who have been down this road brought up allergies. Oh yes, eczema is a huge red flag for allergies. Squeak came to us at 6 weeks old. By 8 weeks he had a little spot of something on his cheek. Then his chin. Then they got bigger. Then they started to ooze. We tried anti-fungals, we tried soothing ointments, we tried a shitload of stuff. We eventually realized it was eczema and we tried a shitload more stuff. We went to a dermatologist, a homeopath, a naturopath. We wanted to avoid using steroids, because that just suppresses the reaction and can lead to worse problems, like asthma. If you can find it on the internet or buy it at a drug store, we tried it.
We found out about the eczema/food allergy link and went to a pediatric allergist looking for a prescription for a blood test. Because we are breastfeeding Squeak, we had already put ourselves on an elimination diet, eliminating the top-8 most likely food allergens. We got the blood test and, when it came back, it showed that Squeak is, in fact, allergic to quite a number of things.
Namely:
milk, soy, wheat, egg, peanuts, most other nuts. We were also told to stay clear of all other beans, as well. Any of these are liable to give him an anaphylactic (life-threatening) reaction. Good times.
We didn't eat meat to begin with and, although fostermama is happy to eat some chicken and fish, I have spent my whole life as a vegetarian and my body just doesn't react to meat very well. I tried, even. No good.
You may notice that this list doesn't leave room for much in the way of protein. Add to this that the test only covered a dozen or so foods. He may very well be allergic to other things not tested for. So our best option was to put ourselves on a Total Elimination Diet. Where we eat one protein (in our case, nutritional yeast), one grain, one vegetable, one fruit, one oil. For a Really Long Time. And see if his reactions (the eczema) go away or calm down.
This is what we did. When faced with a child who looked very much like a burn victim, eating 6 things for the foreseeable future didn't seem like such a bad idea.
We also started topical steroids. Squeak was just TOO uncomfortable from the constant itching and pain. We were exhausted from spending all day keeping him from scratching himself. None of us were sleeping well. We tried a couple of anti-histamines, but they didn't do much of anything. So we were out of reasonable options. Steroids and an elimination diet were IT. (Yes, we could have weaned him to a non-allergenic formula like Ne0cate, but that stuff is expensive and disgusting, so it wasn't a choice we were willing to make.)
The steroids, and two 20-minute baths per day, cleared him up very quickly. Within a month, he had picture-perfect skin. He was no longer miserable. Then we started the long road toward introducing foods and healing his body so he can, hopefully, reduce his allergies and keep his skin clear even without the steroids.
Basically, that's where we've been since the summer. After a month or so on the original diet, we started adding in foods one at a time to test for a reaction. We couldn't add a food when he had a cold (which happened pretty often this winter) and when he had a reaction (we've found allergies to a few other things that weren't tested for) we had to wait a few weeks until that cleared. Now we have about a dozen foods we can eat. We have to buy all our brown rice in 25-lb bags so we know it's not cross-contaminated with wheat. We buy gluten-free (wheat-free) rice pasta. We don't buy anything packaged until we've contacted the company and asked about their processing and packaging and if the food is ever in the same room as one of his allergens. It's a PITA.
This whole process has thrust us into the world of food allergies in a way we never expected. We took a ton of books out of the library and read the internet for hours trying to figure out how to manage his life from here on in. Whereas, when we had Niblet, we spent time researching the effects of prenatal cocaine on a child, that was something that had already happened to her. This is something that is bound to get MORE dangerous as he grows up. It's a whole new level of scary.
So, yeah, we're not likely to get back into foster care anytime soon. We have enough going on.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Squeak: Sleep and diapers
In other news, the reason we've taken the coming week off is because we're TIRED. Squeak, as much as we love him, is a pain in the butt when it comes to sleeping. He's still nursing, and still waking up every 1-2 hours to nurse. All. Night. Long. And it takes him about 1 hour to fall asleep to begin with. We're not the let-them-cry-it-out kind of people, so that means one of us is in there with him while he unwinds from the day...for an hour. Naps usually take about 15-30 minutes, which isn't too bad, but could be better. He just doesn't fall back to sleep on his own. We've read the No Cry Sl33p Solution and are implimenting many of her suggestions, so it's gotten a teeny bit better, but we're still running on a full year of sleep deprivation. Which started shortly after the year of sleep dep we had with Ms. Niblet (who qualified for EI, initially, because of how poorly she slept).
And, as I'm sure you know, when you're tired, the rest of your life goes down the crapper. The house is a mess, we've both been messing up at work, we forget important things, etc. Chronic sleep dep is a torture technique for a reason, folks. It's driving me crazy, that's for sure.
This week is an attempt to catch up on those things - sleep and housework. Hopefully it will be worth it.
The one thing that makes me smile, besides Squeak himself, aremy his diapers. We cloth diaper, and ever since I started researching them, it's become something of a hobby for me. I like to know what's out there, how to troubleshoot, etc. We initially got them for Niblet, which was great because we used a couple months of her diaper allotment for the investment and then ended up with free diapers! They were great for her, except for overnight, and they're great for Squeak. I ended up having to sell our original ones because Squeak was irritated by the polyester lining, and I replaced them with similar ones with cotton lining. And I spent the money getting kickass nighttime diapers for him, as well.
So, since the other day was a rare one where ALL the diapers were clean at once, I decided to take a picture. Here are my lovely pocket diapers, plus one of the night diapers and it's cover (top left). Not shown are a few night diapers and a bunch of prefolds.
You can also see Squeak's tub o' Vanicream off to the right there. We slather that on his body a few times a day to keep the eczema at bay.
And, to prove that we are, in fact, radical, commie dykes, here's a picture of our Red Diaper Baby.
I'll end with a question for all you fellow cloth users. What do you use at night? We've been using Very Baby Simply Nights with a Bummis Super Whisper Wrap cover. When that started leaking, we added a wool wrap over the whole thing. That's been working pretty well, but the diaper is still soaked in the morning. It would be nice to keep his butt a little dryer overnight. I've got a bamboo VBSN coming in the mail, so maybe that will help, but what do you all use?
And, as I'm sure you know, when you're tired, the rest of your life goes down the crapper. The house is a mess, we've both been messing up at work, we forget important things, etc. Chronic sleep dep is a torture technique for a reason, folks. It's driving me crazy, that's for sure.
This week is an attempt to catch up on those things - sleep and housework. Hopefully it will be worth it.
The one thing that makes me smile, besides Squeak himself, are
So, since the other day was a rare one where ALL the diapers were clean at once, I decided to take a picture. Here are my lovely pocket diapers, plus one of the night diapers and it's cover (top left). Not shown are a few night diapers and a bunch of prefolds.
You can also see Squeak's tub o' Vanicream off to the right there. We slather that on his body a few times a day to keep the eczema at bay.And, to prove that we are, in fact, radical, commie dykes, here's a picture of our Red Diaper Baby.
I'll end with a question for all you fellow cloth users. What do you use at night? We've been using Very Baby Simply Nights with a Bummis Super Whisper Wrap cover. When that started leaking, we added a wool wrap over the whole thing. That's been working pretty well, but the diaper is still soaked in the morning. It would be nice to keep his butt a little dryer overnight. I've got a bamboo VBSN coming in the mail, so maybe that will help, but what do you all use?
Niblet: nothing new
We haven't seen Niblet in over a month.
It's the longest we've ever not seen her since she was placed with us over 2 years ago. We've been busy, out of town seeing family and friends, and her new family has also been busy. Yesterday they moved to a new apartment. I'm assuming it's bigger than their last, so that's a good thing. They had 3 rambunctious kids, and 2 adults, in a very small 2 bedroom apartment (they turned the livingroom into the grown-up bedroom.) When fostermama called to see about a visit, and heard they were moving, she asked if they wanted us to take Niblet off their hands during the move. But they already had plans for her, which makes sense, but still pointed out to me that they really don't need us in her life.
They are functional, good parents. They have family and friends and resources. They haven't told us not to call them, to the contrary, but they don't need us. Now it's all about our need to continue to see Niblet. And, I guess, Niblet's need for us not to disappear into the ether. At this point, though, it wouldn't harm her to never see us again. She has a good attachment to her new family and they treat her well.
Since the last time we saw her, she started Early Intervention services again. Four times per week, her aunt said. They're not fooling around. She's getting speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy. It makes me so sad to know that, at 18 months old, she was caught up and after a year with her "parents", she is so behind that she needs more services than she'd had before. This is not from being born with drugs in her system. This is from total neglect, pure and simple. I'm excited to see her again, though, because I bet she is talking more. There's nothing I want more than to hear what Niblet has to say for herself.
Her aunt told fostermama to call back during the week and we could make a plan to see Niblet. We've taken this coming week off from work, so hopefully there will be a time soon we can see her. She's a busy girl, what with all her appointments and naps and such!
It's the longest we've ever not seen her since she was placed with us over 2 years ago. We've been busy, out of town seeing family and friends, and her new family has also been busy. Yesterday they moved to a new apartment. I'm assuming it's bigger than their last, so that's a good thing. They had 3 rambunctious kids, and 2 adults, in a very small 2 bedroom apartment (they turned the livingroom into the grown-up bedroom.) When fostermama called to see about a visit, and heard they were moving, she asked if they wanted us to take Niblet off their hands during the move. But they already had plans for her, which makes sense, but still pointed out to me that they really don't need us in her life.
They are functional, good parents. They have family and friends and resources. They haven't told us not to call them, to the contrary, but they don't need us. Now it's all about our need to continue to see Niblet. And, I guess, Niblet's need for us not to disappear into the ether. At this point, though, it wouldn't harm her to never see us again. She has a good attachment to her new family and they treat her well.
Since the last time we saw her, she started Early Intervention services again. Four times per week, her aunt said. They're not fooling around. She's getting speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy. It makes me so sad to know that, at 18 months old, she was caught up and after a year with her "parents", she is so behind that she needs more services than she'd had before. This is not from being born with drugs in her system. This is from total neglect, pure and simple. I'm excited to see her again, though, because I bet she is talking more. There's nothing I want more than to hear what Niblet has to say for herself.
Her aunt told fostermama to call back during the week and we could make a plan to see Niblet. We've taken this coming week off from work, so hopefully there will be a time soon we can see her. She's a busy girl, what with all her appointments and naps and such!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Watch this spot!
I've been ruminating on a post. Nothing exciting, but it will have pictures! There really isn't much to say lately, especially on the Niblet/fostercare/etc. front, but I'll come up with something.
So, for those of you stalking Chez "FosterMoms", come back soon and this will replaced with a real post.
Why am I warning you? I have no idea. Must be the sleep deprivation of having a 13 month old who wakes up every hour (or so) all night long...
So, for those of you stalking Chez "FosterMoms", come back soon and this will replaced with a real post.
Why am I warning you? I have no idea. Must be the sleep deprivation of having a 13 month old who wakes up every hour (or so) all night long...
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Better and worse
We finally got to go visit Niblet at her aunt and uncle's house. The visit, although great, has left me reeling and I'm having a really hard time pulling it all together again.
The worse:
We got the specifics of the injuries her "parents" inflicted upon her that day. She was severely beaten. She has a diaper-area injury that still hasn't healed because she's still in diapers. Her aunt changes her uber-frequently, but the cut still opens up regularly. Based on a description of the injuries, an online friend of ours said that Niblet's mother (the one we all assume did the harm) should be sent to prison as a sex abuser and made to register when she's released. I can't say I disagree.
We also found out what poor Niblet has been enduring over the past year. There have been other bruises that we never saw. Her aunt saw them, and on one occasional called CPS, but nothing was done. She was basically starved. She weighed 18 lbs when she was in the hospital. She's 2.5 years old. She weighed exactly the same - 18 lbs - when she left us at 1.5 years old. They apparently sold her WIC checks - for drugs for the mom (and probably the dad, who knows) - and most days she was given a cup-o-ramen and that was it. This is a girl who was eating us out of house and home at 18 months old. Her mom was taking the dad's monthly check (social security?) and using it for herself.
We couldn't have known this. Almost everytime we picked her up, they were in the process of feeding her. Either shoving mac & cheese in her mouth, or she was sitting in front of the TV with a frozen dinner, or something. They must have been doing that on purpose.
And all the guilt I've felt for not calling CPS for the various little things we've seen, well, there's no point in that. Get this...the aunt said she saw hand-marks on Niblet's face, and choke marks on her neck, and she hotlined it. Called CPS about it. And NOTHING HAPPENED. WTF!? We have a foster child with random bruises on the outside of her leg, and we get pulled into a months-long ordeal...they obviously slap and choke their child and they get to keep her long enough to beat the f*ckin' crap out of her?? CPS is totally at fault for this child's injuries.
A year ago, when she left us, she was a happy, healthy, normal little girl. Now she's still the strong, smart, happy girl she was, but she has scars. She has eating/hoarding issues. She is seriously delayed in speech. She's already slated to get PT, OT and speech therapy. They can't even do psychological counseling because she's pre-verbal and we don't live anywhere fancy enough to have good shrinks who work with pre-verbal abuse survivors. Who knows what kinds of issues she's likely to have in the future?
To top it off, she now has the same case worker she had when she was with us. The one that sent her back to her father. The one who, initially, told us that we would adopt her, that she was going to convince the father to surrender, that she was going to TPR the parents. Then when the county changed it's mind - she changed her tune and never gave us the time of day from there on in. Now she's giving the same song and dance to the aunt. Granted, they have a better case against the father this time, and she might feel responsible in some way and actually give this little girl safe permanence, but I'm not holding my breath. What I do know is this - if they make motions towards sending her back to her father or mother, you're going to see this story on the evening news. That's our only recourse - shaming the county into doing the right thing - and we're going to use it.
Now the Better:
Niblet is wonderful. She is flourishing in a loving family. She was all smiles and Niblet-ness during our visit. We hadn't seen her in a long time, and not since she was hospitalized, so it was probably a little confusing for her to see us out of context and everything, but she was so happy. She sat on fostermama's lap and hugged her for a good 10 minutes, but then started playing with Squeak and let us show her how to open the presents we'd brought for her. Then she was running around, being silly, and basically being our little Niblet. It was so good to see. Her cousins are 8 and 11 years old and obviously love her. And she them. She didn't act scared around them like she did around her parents. Her aunt told us about some of her issues and how she's made sure to teach her that she can always eat as much as she wants and there's always more. She brought her to the supermarket and showed her that that's where food comes from and that they will always buy more.
She's teaching her not to be afraid. Not to hide. And helping her find her words. She'll copy a word if she's told to: "Niblet, say whale,"..."whaaale". It's cute. But she doesn't talk on her own. We're pretty sure that it's because she was trained by her parents not to express herself at all. She wasn't allowed to cry, to laugh, to be loud. So why would she have learned to speak for herself? It would have just gotten her in more trouble.
We're so thankful that Niblet is with this loving family. We are crossing all our fingers and toes, and praying to any gods we can think of, that she gets to stay there forever.
Now for the feel-good, holiday-ish part of the post:
During our visit, Niblet's aunt complained that the agency that was going to provide some christmas gifts for Niblet sent over 3 small, lame toys for her, and gave Niblet's *parents* a bunch of stuff for their new apartment - plates, towels, etc. The aunt and uncle live in a nice, but poor, part of town and have their 2 boys to shop for, as well, so while they do have some clothes and a couple of toys for her, they were feeling bad about it.
We have some clothes in her size that we were going to offer them, so we did and the aunt said they'd love them and that "every little bit helps". So we mentioned this to some family and friends who have known and loved Niblet since she came to us, and they are pulling a few toys and books out of their attics, or sending us a little cash to shop for her with, and we'll bring it all over to Niblet in the near future. It's not quite a Christmas Miracle, but I'm happy to be able to show Niblet and her new family just how large and extended their "Village" really is.
The worse:
We got the specifics of the injuries her "parents" inflicted upon her that day. She was severely beaten. She has a diaper-area injury that still hasn't healed because she's still in diapers. Her aunt changes her uber-frequently, but the cut still opens up regularly. Based on a description of the injuries, an online friend of ours said that Niblet's mother (the one we all assume did the harm) should be sent to prison as a sex abuser and made to register when she's released. I can't say I disagree.
We also found out what poor Niblet has been enduring over the past year. There have been other bruises that we never saw. Her aunt saw them, and on one occasional called CPS, but nothing was done. She was basically starved. She weighed 18 lbs when she was in the hospital. She's 2.5 years old. She weighed exactly the same - 18 lbs - when she left us at 1.5 years old. They apparently sold her WIC checks - for drugs for the mom (and probably the dad, who knows) - and most days she was given a cup-o-ramen and that was it. This is a girl who was eating us out of house and home at 18 months old. Her mom was taking the dad's monthly check (social security?) and using it for herself.
We couldn't have known this. Almost everytime we picked her up, they were in the process of feeding her. Either shoving mac & cheese in her mouth, or she was sitting in front of the TV with a frozen dinner, or something. They must have been doing that on purpose.
And all the guilt I've felt for not calling CPS for the various little things we've seen, well, there's no point in that. Get this...the aunt said she saw hand-marks on Niblet's face, and choke marks on her neck, and she hotlined it. Called CPS about it. And NOTHING HAPPENED. WTF!? We have a foster child with random bruises on the outside of her leg, and we get pulled into a months-long ordeal...they obviously slap and choke their child and they get to keep her long enough to beat the f*ckin' crap out of her?? CPS is totally at fault for this child's injuries.
A year ago, when she left us, she was a happy, healthy, normal little girl. Now she's still the strong, smart, happy girl she was, but she has scars. She has eating/hoarding issues. She is seriously delayed in speech. She's already slated to get PT, OT and speech therapy. They can't even do psychological counseling because she's pre-verbal and we don't live anywhere fancy enough to have good shrinks who work with pre-verbal abuse survivors. Who knows what kinds of issues she's likely to have in the future?
To top it off, she now has the same case worker she had when she was with us. The one that sent her back to her father. The one who, initially, told us that we would adopt her, that she was going to convince the father to surrender, that she was going to TPR the parents. Then when the county changed it's mind - she changed her tune and never gave us the time of day from there on in. Now she's giving the same song and dance to the aunt. Granted, they have a better case against the father this time, and she might feel responsible in some way and actually give this little girl safe permanence, but I'm not holding my breath. What I do know is this - if they make motions towards sending her back to her father or mother, you're going to see this story on the evening news. That's our only recourse - shaming the county into doing the right thing - and we're going to use it.
Now the Better:
Niblet is wonderful. She is flourishing in a loving family. She was all smiles and Niblet-ness during our visit. We hadn't seen her in a long time, and not since she was hospitalized, so it was probably a little confusing for her to see us out of context and everything, but she was so happy. She sat on fostermama's lap and hugged her for a good 10 minutes, but then started playing with Squeak and let us show her how to open the presents we'd brought for her. Then she was running around, being silly, and basically being our little Niblet. It was so good to see. Her cousins are 8 and 11 years old and obviously love her. And she them. She didn't act scared around them like she did around her parents. Her aunt told us about some of her issues and how she's made sure to teach her that she can always eat as much as she wants and there's always more. She brought her to the supermarket and showed her that that's where food comes from and that they will always buy more.
She's teaching her not to be afraid. Not to hide. And helping her find her words. She'll copy a word if she's told to: "Niblet, say whale,"..."whaaale". It's cute. But she doesn't talk on her own. We're pretty sure that it's because she was trained by her parents not to express herself at all. She wasn't allowed to cry, to laugh, to be loud. So why would she have learned to speak for herself? It would have just gotten her in more trouble.
We're so thankful that Niblet is with this loving family. We are crossing all our fingers and toes, and praying to any gods we can think of, that she gets to stay there forever.
Now for the feel-good, holiday-ish part of the post:
During our visit, Niblet's aunt complained that the agency that was going to provide some christmas gifts for Niblet sent over 3 small, lame toys for her, and gave Niblet's *parents* a bunch of stuff for their new apartment - plates, towels, etc. The aunt and uncle live in a nice, but poor, part of town and have their 2 boys to shop for, as well, so while they do have some clothes and a couple of toys for her, they were feeling bad about it.
We have some clothes in her size that we were going to offer them, so we did and the aunt said they'd love them and that "every little bit helps". So we mentioned this to some family and friends who have known and loved Niblet since she came to us, and they are pulling a few toys and books out of their attics, or sending us a little cash to shop for her with, and we'll bring it all over to Niblet in the near future. It's not quite a Christmas Miracle, but I'm happy to be able to show Niblet and her new family just how large and extended their "Village" really is.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Niblet is safe and with family
Yesterday at court, a couple of people surprised us by doing their jobs.
The private agency social worker who was responsible for Niblet's parents' counseling last year has shown up and gotten involved, and she ironed out the differences between Dad and Aunt (aka Godmother) so that Dad would support Niblet going to Aunt. So it was even more clear, and that's what happened.
Also, the County lawyer brought up a subpoena for Niblet's medical records from when she was hospitalized 2 weeks ago, and a restraining order against each of her parents. For her father, so that his visits will be supervised until after his abuse trial. For her mother, so that she cannot see her at all until she's appeared in court.
It was a relief and a disappointment to know that we wouldn't be trying to get Niblet placed with us. We had changed our minds 2 nights before (in the middle of the night) and decided we would take her even temporarily. But we didn't want to deal with that if it wasn't necessary, and it's better that it's not.
We're hoping that Aunt will let us see her, and that maybe eventually Dad will surrender his parental rights to Aunt. Or at least let Niblet stay there indefinitely. With kinship foster care, the parent doesn't actually have to lose their rights at any point, it can just go on forever. At least that's my understanding.
So yay for Niblet. At least as yay as anything is for a kid tied up in the foster system.
We do feel like she's lucky. She has us, she has this social worker who was her father's counselor who clearly cares even if she doesn't agree with us about everything, and she has this aunt and uncle who are willing to take her in who seem like really good people.
It's not over yet, because her father could get her back and neglect her some more, or her maternal grandmother could somehow prevail in court and get her moved to her maternal aunt's custody in a far-away city (her birth siblings live there, but this aunt has turned Niblet down before and has only met her a few brief times). Those don't seem like the most likely outcomes, though, which is nice.
We are anxious to give Niblet hugs of our own, but we are happy to know she is getting all hugged up by people she knows and loves.
The private agency social worker who was responsible for Niblet's parents' counseling last year has shown up and gotten involved, and she ironed out the differences between Dad and Aunt (aka Godmother) so that Dad would support Niblet going to Aunt. So it was even more clear, and that's what happened.
Also, the County lawyer brought up a subpoena for Niblet's medical records from when she was hospitalized 2 weeks ago, and a restraining order against each of her parents. For her father, so that his visits will be supervised until after his abuse trial. For her mother, so that she cannot see her at all until she's appeared in court.
It was a relief and a disappointment to know that we wouldn't be trying to get Niblet placed with us. We had changed our minds 2 nights before (in the middle of the night) and decided we would take her even temporarily. But we didn't want to deal with that if it wasn't necessary, and it's better that it's not.
We're hoping that Aunt will let us see her, and that maybe eventually Dad will surrender his parental rights to Aunt. Or at least let Niblet stay there indefinitely. With kinship foster care, the parent doesn't actually have to lose their rights at any point, it can just go on forever. At least that's my understanding.
So yay for Niblet. At least as yay as anything is for a kid tied up in the foster system.
We do feel like she's lucky. She has us, she has this social worker who was her father's counselor who clearly cares even if she doesn't agree with us about everything, and she has this aunt and uncle who are willing to take her in who seem like really good people.
It's not over yet, because her father could get her back and neglect her some more, or her maternal grandmother could somehow prevail in court and get her moved to her maternal aunt's custody in a far-away city (her birth siblings live there, but this aunt has turned Niblet down before and has only met her a few brief times). Those don't seem like the most likely outcomes, though, which is nice.
We are anxious to give Niblet hugs of our own, but we are happy to know she is getting all hugged up by people she knows and loves.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Being a parent means feeling guilty
Nobody related to Niblet's case is doing their job properly (if at all). fostermama and I have been going above and beyond, because we love Niblet, and it's just not enough. We need the case worker and the legal guardian and the judge and the father's lawyer and the father's social worker to all do their jobs. Or at least ONE of them. And they're not. And, yet, I feel guilty. Yes, I know I shouldn't, but I do. So there's no point in trying to convince me out of it.
See, we've decided not to fight for Niblet to be placed with us for foster care. There was court today and nothing happened. The judge "decided" that she should remain in foster care, but didn't place her with the family members who want her, nor with us, nor make any decisions about her long-term plan. He basically just continued the case until next week. Lovely. So Niblet is still with the new foster parents. I'm sure she's happy there, because she's a happy, loving, friendly girl, but it's not like being with family or people you think of as family (like us). Eventually she's going to wonder what happened to everyone else.
What we're hoping for is that she get placed with her family members next week. We met them and they seem like sincere, good people. They want the best for Niblet and cried at the end of court when they realized they couldn't take her home today. We were going to call the caseworker's supervisor and whatnot and try and convince them to place her with us until she can go with her family, but then decided against it.
The thing is, this is driving us crazy. What happened to her, what's continuing to happen to her, the fact that the county will probably work for "reunification"...again...and that Niblet will probably languish in foster care for a long time again and then probably go back to her father. We just can't deal with that. Not with Squeak and ourselves to take care of. The stress of it the first time around was not-quite-bearable.
We're not totally giving up. We're going to call Niblet's father and talk to him. Ask him what he wants and, if it seems like he might be willing to surrender Niblet to us (he has some sort of beef with the other family members and has said he doesn't want them to have her), then we'll say whatever we have to (including some little white lies, if necessary) to make that easy for him. But he'll have to do it FAST, because we're just NOT doing temporary foster care anymore. If he wants to hurt Niblet by making her get attached to people over a long period of time and then ripping her away from them, again, I'm not going to be party to it. And we don't have any power to make sure it doesn't happen that way, no matter how much we wish we did.
Then, if her father doesn't want to surrender her, we're also going to talk to the legal guardian and make sure he understands why placing her with her family members is the right decision. We don't want her to stay with these unknown foster parents, really. The legal guardian is relatively useless, but apparently if we feed him information to help him look good, he might actually use it.
On the plus side, if her family members do get her (temporarily or permanently), they've already said we're very welcome to visit with her. So she won't lose us and we won't lose her. It really would be the best possible outcome for this little girl.
See, we've decided not to fight for Niblet to be placed with us for foster care. There was court today and nothing happened. The judge "decided" that she should remain in foster care, but didn't place her with the family members who want her, nor with us, nor make any decisions about her long-term plan. He basically just continued the case until next week. Lovely. So Niblet is still with the new foster parents. I'm sure she's happy there, because she's a happy, loving, friendly girl, but it's not like being with family or people you think of as family (like us). Eventually she's going to wonder what happened to everyone else.
What we're hoping for is that she get placed with her family members next week. We met them and they seem like sincere, good people. They want the best for Niblet and cried at the end of court when they realized they couldn't take her home today. We were going to call the caseworker's supervisor and whatnot and try and convince them to place her with us until she can go with her family, but then decided against it.
The thing is, this is driving us crazy. What happened to her, what's continuing to happen to her, the fact that the county will probably work for "reunification"...again...and that Niblet will probably languish in foster care for a long time again and then probably go back to her father. We just can't deal with that. Not with Squeak and ourselves to take care of. The stress of it the first time around was not-quite-bearable.
We're not totally giving up. We're going to call Niblet's father and talk to him. Ask him what he wants and, if it seems like he might be willing to surrender Niblet to us (he has some sort of beef with the other family members and has said he doesn't want them to have her), then we'll say whatever we have to (including some little white lies, if necessary) to make that easy for him. But he'll have to do it FAST, because we're just NOT doing temporary foster care anymore. If he wants to hurt Niblet by making her get attached to people over a long period of time and then ripping her away from them, again, I'm not going to be party to it. And we don't have any power to make sure it doesn't happen that way, no matter how much we wish we did.
Then, if her father doesn't want to surrender her, we're also going to talk to the legal guardian and make sure he understands why placing her with her family members is the right decision. We don't want her to stay with these unknown foster parents, really. The legal guardian is relatively useless, but apparently if we feed him information to help him look good, he might actually use it.
On the plus side, if her family members do get her (temporarily or permanently), they've already said we're very welcome to visit with her. So she won't lose us and we won't lose her. It really would be the best possible outcome for this little girl.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
There's no end to the way the system can hurt a child
She's not with us. They sent her to another foster home.
And they won't tell us why.
They verified that we are NOT being investigated at all regarding the injuries, so that's a huge relief, but they won't tell us why they "changed their minds" and sent her to be with strangers when she should be with us.
We are hurting for her so much that I can't even begin to explain.
Our only consolation is that she is safe. That is huge. She hasn't been safe for a year, apparently, and now she is.
She just should be safe with us. And she's not.
If this doesn't get resolved by next week, we're going to the media. The system is so f*cked up, there needs to be huge changes. It's not just Niblet.
Stay tuned.
And they won't tell us why.
They verified that we are NOT being investigated at all regarding the injuries, so that's a huge relief, but they won't tell us why they "changed their minds" and sent her to be with strangers when she should be with us.
We are hurting for her so much that I can't even begin to explain.
Our only consolation is that she is safe. That is huge. She hasn't been safe for a year, apparently, and now she is.
She just should be safe with us. And she's not.
If this doesn't get resolved by next week, we're going to the media. The system is so f*cked up, there needs to be huge changes. It's not just Niblet.
Stay tuned.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Update
She's definitely coming into care when she gets out of the hospital tomorrow. And the homefinder director (who used to be our social worker before she got promoted to head the unit) has made it so we're back in the system and we will be the ones getting her.
So she'll be coming to us tomorrow. Until at least early next week (with the holiday and all, they don't know when the court hearing will happen).
She is hurt. Her eye is swollen shut and has a hematoma ("she hit her face on a radiator") and she has extensive bruising and chafing all over her thighs and crotch ("they have no explanation for that"). I can't even begin to try and process that.
This is EXACTLY what we didn't want to happen - for her to go home all happy and "fixed", and then come back to us later on totally broken. We thought she was going back to a safe home. We weren't worried for her in that way. We knew her life wouldn't be the same as if she had stayed with us, but it would be a good life.
I feel like we failed her. We should have fought harder for her. I should have known that, if her parents were rough and yelled and her while we were there picking her up or dropping her off, then they must be even worse when we're not there.
But, of course, it's not my fault. It's theirs. I just want to turn back time. I want to give this little Niblet another go at the past year.
I don't want her back. It wouldn't be the best thing for our family - fostermama, Squeak and myself. But it *would* be the best thing for Niblet, so we'll do it if that's what it comes to. Her aunt & uncle have said they want her, so she may very well go to them if they check out. I'm feeling not-so-generous about that, as I'm sure they know more about what was going on with her than we do, but if they really want her and they're appropriate, then so be it. But if we get any inkling that they're NOT good for her, we're lawyering up. We'll fight for her. She deserves it.
So she'll be coming to us tomorrow. Until at least early next week (with the holiday and all, they don't know when the court hearing will happen).
She is hurt. Her eye is swollen shut and has a hematoma ("she hit her face on a radiator") and she has extensive bruising and chafing all over her thighs and crotch ("they have no explanation for that"). I can't even begin to try and process that.
This is EXACTLY what we didn't want to happen - for her to go home all happy and "fixed", and then come back to us later on totally broken. We thought she was going back to a safe home. We weren't worried for her in that way. We knew her life wouldn't be the same as if she had stayed with us, but it would be a good life.
I feel like we failed her. We should have fought harder for her. I should have known that, if her parents were rough and yelled and her while we were there picking her up or dropping her off, then they must be even worse when we're not there.
But, of course, it's not my fault. It's theirs. I just want to turn back time. I want to give this little Niblet another go at the past year.
I don't want her back. It wouldn't be the best thing for our family - fostermama, Squeak and myself. But it *would* be the best thing for Niblet, so we'll do it if that's what it comes to. Her aunt & uncle have said they want her, so she may very well go to them if they check out. I'm feeling not-so-generous about that, as I'm sure they know more about what was going on with her than we do, but if they really want her and they're appropriate, then so be it. But if we get any inkling that they're NOT good for her, we're lawyering up. We'll fight for her. She deserves it.
Niblet back in care?
I just got a call on my cell from CPS. They want to talk to us because Niblet is in the hospital. Something happened on Friday, I don't know what, and she's been in the hospital since then.
Unfortunately, sort of, we saw her on Friday afternoon for a few hours. So, of course, they have to talk to us and see if we're part of the investigation or not. The CPS worker and a detective will be by our house this afternoon to talk to us. Mostly about Niblet's father, she said, but I know (gee, how do I know...?) that they'll be looking to see if we're in the wrong in any way.
She said Niblet will be released tomorrow, and may be put back into foster care. I made it clear that we want to take her if that happens, and she said that a few people have stepped up and that we'd have to go to court and talk with the judge.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated. Keep little Niblet in your prayers.
I'm shaking with the news. I don't know what to do or what will happen.
Unfortunately, sort of, we saw her on Friday afternoon for a few hours. So, of course, they have to talk to us and see if we're part of the investigation or not. The CPS worker and a detective will be by our house this afternoon to talk to us. Mostly about Niblet's father, she said, but I know (gee, how do I know...?) that they'll be looking to see if we're in the wrong in any way.
She said Niblet will be released tomorrow, and may be put back into foster care. I made it clear that we want to take her if that happens, and she said that a few people have stepped up and that we'd have to go to court and talk with the judge.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated. Keep little Niblet in your prayers.
I'm shaking with the news. I don't know what to do or what will happen.
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